Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2002. Days after Mattie was born. Literally Peter was the one who changed every diaper the first week Mattie was born. I was just too sick and had a hard five day recovery in the hospital. Peter was there for both of us the whole time. I captured this tender moment, as Mattie was resting peacefully!
Quote of the day: The soul is healed by being with children. ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky
The weather was damp, raw, and pouring today in DC. In fact there was a line of weather all up and down the East coast, which was delaying flights. Our plane took off two hours late, but we considered ourselves lucky that our flight wasn't cancelled. Flying when congested is truly an experience and for those of you who are faithful readers know that I don't like flying even when healthy. There was turbulence today, my seat mate was spilling over onto me, and the girls behind us were incredibly loud. Somehow I managed all of that only because I was so focused on my poor ears. Which began clogged with fluid during the flight and I felt like I was hearing underwater. Thankfully after thirty minutes of of being on the ground, my ears popped. I have come to Florida with a bad cold. I am not coughing or sneezing on anyone, but simply struggling internally with fluid in my throat, ears, and sinuses. It is my hope that a calmer pace and warmer weather helps.
Peter and I haven't been to Deerfield Beach for ten years. The last time we were here, it was 2007, and we celebrated Christmas here with Mattie and my parents. It seems like eons ago. Sometimes it can be hard to return to a place that you went to with your child. We have very fond memories of being here with Mattie as he swam in the pool with Peter and built countless sandcastles on the beach in this photo. I wasn't sure how I was going to react by coming back to this same hotel.
Here's the thing though..... I don't remember anything about the interior of the hotel. It is as if I was never here. I asked the front desk whether they renovated the hotel since we were last here, and her answer was NO! So I can't quite explain this phenomenon. Peter thinks that I was so focused on Mattie and his needs when we were here as a family that I literally did not focus on other details. It is possible, but really? I don't remember the lobby, the restaurant, or the hotel hallways. I do remember the pool area and of course the beach. So I haven't lost it altogether. I just find it interesting how the mind works, and overall can't say that I am saddened to return to a property Mattie once enjoyed. Or let's say it doesn't compound my grief and that most likely is because I am surrounded with daily reminders in our own home of Mattie. Mattie is an integral part of our lives, even though he isn't physically with us. So while I am in Deerfield, during Mattie's 15th birthday week, I will be looking for Mattie signs.
1 comment:
Vicki, I relate to your quote because it is so true for me, personally. My comfort zone in life is being around a group of Children. Kids are honest. They are accepting. Children soothe the soul by their openness!
The picture of Mattie lying on Peter, so apparently newborn, is precious. I know it is a Mattie picture, that will roll through my head full of pictures.
I am sorry you had to fly with a head cold. That is pure torture with all the different atmospheric pressures going on during the flight. Plus going up and going down - hope things improve while you are away.
I think sometimes our minds protect us from memories that might hurt and be hard to handle. Peter is correct too that your focus was Mattie and unimportant things, we don't remember. I am glad it does not add to the sorrow, you feel every day..
I am so sorry, you & Peter have the forever loss of Mattie ❤️
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