Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. Mattie was in the PICU, recovering from a sternotomy. You may not be able to see it, but Mattie had stitches up his mid-section from his belly button past the breast bone. Amazing that he was able to smile, don't you think. Another issue we dealt with was eating and drinking. Mattie became a shell of his former self and truly emaciated. You can clearly see that in this photo. Which is why when I hear people talking about the importance of nutrition during cancer care, I laugh. I laugh because when in the thick of it, you feed your child whatever he wants to eat. When Mattie wanted to eat anything it was an exciting moment and we made sure we got whatever he requested.
Quote of the day: And I got out of there without punching anyone, kicking anyone, or breaking down in tears. Some days the small victories are all you achieve. ~ Molly Ringle
Tonight's quote actually made me laugh. It may not be as funny to you! But to me it was hysterical because it captures how I feel today. I am frustrated and stressed about the Walk and with each year, it doesn't get easier, it get more complex to manage this event's coordination. Trying to raise funds and get attendance makes me a magician at times. The only problem is I don't have a magic wand!
In the midst of Walk season, it is also a busy time of year for most of my supporters and volunteers. Most if not all, have families and children in school. Throughout the year I am inundated with updates about children, their happenings, struggles, achievements and the like. For the most part I have learned over time that if I want to function in the real world, I have to be able to hear these stories and to converse about them. But there are times, like Walk season, when my patience is lower, I feel frazzled, and I am balancing a lot. It is at such moments, when I absorb certain complaints, issues, and family problems and want to scream. I don't want to scream because the content isn't justified or worth talking about, it is! I want to scream because while the rest of the world is dealing with raising their children, I am dealing with planning a cancer walk, that started because I lost my only child to cancer. So what do you call that..... bitter, misplaced anger.....? Not sure, but I call it my reality.
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