Mattie Miracle 8th Annual Walk & Family Festival was an $88,000 Success!!!

Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Promotional Video

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to us that you take the time to write to us and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful to us and help support us through very challenging times. To you we are forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically stop writing on September 9, 2010. However, at the moment, I feel like our journey with grief still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with us, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki and Peter



The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation celebrates its 7th anniversary!

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation was created in the honor of Mattie.

We are a 501(c)(3) Public Charity. We are dedicated to increasing childhood cancer awareness, education, advocacy, research and psychosocial support services to children, their families and medical personnel. Children and their families will be supported throughout the cancer treatment journey, to ensure access to quality psychosocial and mental health care, and to enable children to cope with cancer so they can lead happy and productive lives. Please visit the website at: www.mattiemiracle.com and take some time to explore the site.

We have only gotten this far because of people like yourself, who have supported us through thick and thin. So thank you for your continued support and caring, and remember:

.... Let's Make the Miracle Happen and Stomp Out Childhood Cancer!

A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Random Shots of Mattie, Family and Friends

July 10, 2017

Monday, July 10, 2017

Monday, July 10, 2017

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007. I recently found this photo on our Shutterfly account. Don't ask me where this photo went in my computer files. It was gone. Thankfully we have photos backed up on-line because to me this photo is priceless. It captures Mattie's creativity! I could try to describe Mattie's sandbox scene on our deck, but don't you think the photo does it justice??? 

Mattie was pretending that the sandbox lid was a boat. He had his fishing pole out and was using his toys as fish! But this photo helps you understand all the toys Mattie would drag outside and place either in the sand or his pool. Life with Mattie was anything but boring. 



Quote of the day: We might think we are nurturing our garden, but of course it's our garden that is really nurturing us. Jenny Uglow


A view from my desk, which is in Mattie's room. This is like our secret garden in the middle of the city!



I was listening to a country music artist being interviewed the other day. He was talking about the songs he writes and sings about, all of which focus on REGRET. An interesting subject actually, as he said writing about love, dreams, and so forth is NOT realistic. As life is filled with all the tough stuff and his listeners bond and relate to him through his music. Music which he feels help us as we move through various points in our lives. Needless to say hearing his interview remained with me for several days, so much so, that I am writing about it here. 


We all regret various things in life. Perhaps something we said to someone, our behavior to a family member or friend, or not being present in someone's life when we were needed. We wouldn't be human if we did not regret something. However, parents who have a sick child, or worse have experienced a death of a child, sometimes are filled with the what if's, I should of's, or in other words REGRET. It would be hard not to have regret. Naturally when I heard this artist talk about his life experiences, I applied what he was saying to my own life, in the context of Mattie. 

Prior to Mattie developing cancer, so many decisions had to be made. Decisions that other parents face with typically developing children. Such as employment for example. Starting from day one, I had to decide whether I was going to work full-time or not. Once I completed my dissertation, a year after Mattie was born, I was offered a great job at a governmental agency. The same agency I conducted my dissertation research. The agency wanted to create a position for me in which I would be running their work-life division, within their employee assistance program. It would have been a grade 13/14 position, which is typically not the starting grade for someone coming into the government system, especially in the psychological field. Despite this incredible opportunity, I felt like I couldn't effectively balance raising Mattie and this full time job. At the time, I may have felt guilty or had some regret, because  I knew employment like this doesn't come around often in my field. 

However, this ultimately was the best decision I made. Because if I had worked full time, I would have missed out on Mattie's very short life. If I had taken on this job, I now would be feeling GREAT regret. Regret that I did not spend more time with Mattie, regret that I may have missed out on his milestones, regret that I couldn't volunteer in his classrooms, and regret that we did not have so many adventures together.  I can safely say I have NONE of these regrets. Mattie was always my priority and even in his death, his Foundation is my priority. 

When Mattie battled cancer, I was always right by his side. Despite pleas from some of the medical personnel who insisted I take a break! I did not listen to them, and fortunately I didn't! Nothing is worse than feeling regret over how you raised or cared for your child! I would say living with the memories of Mattie's cancer battle and his horrific and painful death is bad enough, but if these reflections and feelings were complicated with regret, I think it would make the situation volatile! 

Yet I would say that I have been forever changed by Mattie. I understand that the decisions and choices we make in life do have consequences and we need to be cognizant of how we react, behave, and treat others because our actions not only impact them, but they have a way of permanently affecting and altering our own lives. 

1 comment:

Margy Jost said...

Vicki,

The picture of Mattie standing with his sandbox, all his toys, tell a lot about the amazing, loved life, Mattie lived. His life was way too short, and unfairness is present in every part of his cancer from diagnosis, to limb salvaging which placed enormous limitations on his life, to his death. Childhood Cancer robs all normalcy of life replacing it with fear, uncertainty, suffering and in Mattie's life, it took him from you & Peter.

We do all live with regrets. There are days, I think parts of life are one big regret. Whether one looks at life day to day or at the big picture, there are many things we all can regret from hurtying someone, thoughlessly or on purpose to choosing something without taking into perspective other parts of our life. Your blog puts regret into perspective. At the time, you made choices about your work, you thought Mattie had a whole life ahead of him yet you chose Mattie & Mothering! When Mattie was sick, you chose to stay at Mattie's side, knowing that taking a break or resting wasn't what was good for Mattie or you. Even if you needed both.
Most people aren't far sighted enough to realize that we only have today. Tomorrow isn't promised. People say & write these things all the time yet live life, as if the words are meaningless. You didn't with Mattie! Mattie had all of you!
There are so many reasons, I love your blog. We all grapple with regrets, this blog gives it perspective.