A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki



August 7, 2018

Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Tuesday, August 7, 2018 -- Mattie died 464 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken on August 9, 2009. As you can see Mattie was home, but things were not going well. He was on oxygen, IV's, a pain pump, and a host of other medications. It was almost too much to manage for Peter and me. Yet in between horrific moments, there were smiles. Peter engaged Mattie in intense Lego building and in all reality, Legos brought normalcy into our lives. I can't tell you how many Lego sets were built that year! All I know is that by the time Mattie died, we built every Lego kit on the market in 2008 and 2009. 


Quote of the day: Scientists have discovered that the small, brave act of cooperating with another person, of choosing trust over cynicism, generosity over selfishness, makes the brain light up with quiet joy. ~ Natalie Angier


My morning started at 4am. Sunny and Indie did not know what was going on, but one thing was for certain, Sunny was VERY anxious. The routine was all off and he wasn't happy about it. 

I had a 7:15am flight and given the way that airports are now, you need to allot a great deal of time to check bags and make it through security. As you can see, DC was overcast and HUMID today. 
The flight across the country was the smoothest I have ever experienced. Which was a blessing. I typically don't like flying but this five hour flight was actually peaceful. Nothing to disturb me and I even read an entire book. Which is unusual for me, since I now need complete silence to read. Another side effect from Mattie's cancer journey. 

This was a photo I took as I flew over Palm Springs.
These are the incredible foothills that you see as you fly into LA. 
Meanwhile, do you see the FedEx plane? It was landing with us. Quite the sight no? 

Even at 10:30am when I landed, it was broiling in LA. It is over 100 degrees now, and it feels like an oven. 

There are things I can help my parents with while I am here and I am making a list. However, not packing, moving boxes, and unpacking are major gifts. That was three very intense weeks in June and July, and when I look back at it, I don't know how I did it. It truly reminds me in a way of my days living in the hospital with Mattie. There is just no telling how far you can push the body and mind when pressed to do so.   

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