Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2002. Mattie was six months old and though he could hold his head up, I found at times he would lean to one side and totally topple over. He liked to sit on our couch, but I always propped him up with pillows to prevent the leaning. In front of Mattie were his cups. He absolutely LOVED playing with these plastic cups. Seeing them always reminds me of Mattie. Believe it or not, even today, these cups sit on the rim of our tub.
Quote of the day: Gray day. Everything is gray. I watch. But nothing moves today. ~ Dr. Seuss
Dr. Seuss' quote sums it up! DC is constantly gray. In fact, I feel like I have been transported to Seattle. One or two gray days one can handle. But I am losing track of when, if ever, we see the sun. We have had two consistent weeks of grayness and rain. Then we had one sunny day this week, which was a tease. Now we are back to gray and tomorrow the rain starts up again for a week. Honestly!!!! I find this weather very dreary and depressing and it certainly doesn't help one's mood.
This afternoon we went out to buy new raincoats and rain boots. When walking Sunny in this nonsense, I have come home day after day soaked. It takes time for my sneakers to dry out and literally our old raincoats weren't cutting it. So now we are fully armed for a deluge.
We went shopping in Bethesda today. I can't recall the last time I went to Bethesda. But it is cute, vibrant, and every dog imaginable was out and about. After shopping, we stopped to have lunch and even ate outside. Grayness and all. Lots of others were also eating outside, despite the fact that we are officially into Fall now. We all know that we have to get as much outdoor time before the cold weather hits us.
It was a change in our usual weekend routine..... going out and to Bethesda. We spend many weekends working on Foundation things or walking Sunny. So something different helps on a gray day. While having lunch outside, I watched people walking by and for a brief moment it made me feel like I was like them.... normal and not inundated with childhood cancer. Naturally this feeling doesn't last long, but it is a good reprieve.
This feeling takes me back to a client I used to counsel. This young fellow was one of my very first clients in my career. He was very bright, but did not like therapists. Yet he tolerated me. He dealt with depression. But it is one of his comments that remains with me always. He once told me that he went to Starbuck's just to feel normal. I asked him to clarify what on earth he was talking about because in my twenties I did not get it! He explained that when he was out and about surrounded by people in Starbuck's, he felt like he was part of the living world. That in that brief moment in time, he wasn't depressed, but just felt like everyone else. I empathized with what he was telling me but I couldn't relate and truly understand until now.
Now on my gray days, I think back to this client, and I have to say, that for being in his twenties he was very astute. His observation about feeling normal for a short period of time is so spot on and accurate. When we are caught up in the energy of those around us, we can get transported for a bit of time.
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