Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2003. To me this look was priceless! Mattie was sitting in his "tot wheels." This thing had four wheels and Mattie's feet could touch the floor. So literally it was like Mattie was driving a car inside our home. He absolutely loved the freedom to move around, and his smile captures that fact!
Quote of the day: The worst part is not mourning the loss of what you did have, but mourning the loss of what you were supposed to have. ~ Katy Dawson
This morning I received a message from my friend, Denise, who encouraged me to look at an article she posted to her Facebook page. Any one who knows me, knows I don't spend much time on Facebook, therefore if you want me to see something you either have to tell me or tag me. I don't spend time on Facebook mainly for mental health purposes, because when you have lost a child to cancer, seeing everyday posts about families can be overwhelming to see. Especially in mass quantities.
Denise wanted me to read the article entitled, The worst part is not mourning the loss of what you did have, but mourning the loss of what you were supposed to have. It just so happens that we both know the young woman who wrote this article. In fact the author, Katy, has volunteered at a Mattie Miracle Walk.
I attached the link to Katy's article below so you can read her own powerful words and insights. But here's the take away for me..... Katy is speaking my language. I am quite certain those of us who are survivors of a trauma, communicate on a different plane. We have our own insights and language. Both of which can scare other people! Though Katy and I are facing different issues, the commonalities from the aftermath of a traumatic loss are noteworthy.
When someone you love dies, your world stops. You expect every human being around you to be equally altered and affected. But that is not how it works. The world continues spinning, people continue working, laughing, having fun and living. They are living, while you feel like retreating. In fact, I would say that retreating from the world is one of the common ways we all deal with grief. Why retreat? Do we retreat because we can't face what we are dealing with? Perhaps! However at the core of it all is that traumatic grief leaves you feeling unsafe. If the impossible can happen, then how on earth can we have any control over our life or what happens to us? Retreating at home can help us feel secure in our unsettling world, but it can also protect us from many outside social and emotional threats we perceive in our world..... in my case, friends talking about children, family celebrations, and milestone moments (graduations, religious ceremonies, award ceremonies, marriages, baby showers, etc).
I recall during Christmas of 2009 (the first Christmas without Mattie), I discovered the Hallmark channel. I must have watched every Hallmark movie possible and while watching I was making candy cane Christmas decorations for friends from my bed. It was me, my glue gun, candy, and the TV. That was all I needed and could need. The movies kept my mind busy and the crafting kept my body moving. In fact, I have found through talking to other people who have survived a trauma (and I am talking about any trauma), that we all seem to steer away from TV programs with loud noises, dark themes, and violence. Which may explain why I live in the world of Hallmark and HGTV.
At the end of the day, Katy's title for her article captures the essence of a traumatic loss. The loss itself is bad, but it is the continual loss you experience each day/month/year which is exhausting. Lastly, the challenge (which is ever evolving) is to find a way to move forward knowing full well that what you had hoped for in the future (which so many around you have!) is never going to be.
The worst part is not mourning the loss of what you did have, but mourning the loss of what you were supposed to have:
https://optionb.org/stories/the-worst-part-is-not-mourning-the-loss-of-what-you-did-have-but-its-mourning-the-loss-of-what-you-were-supposed-to-have-x1gqd3mg7?fbclid=IwAR0eAwjmli3y21-x4bBkrbtjVmF9H-Xo6pQR1kBiqsKr0i0b8MMvwTs_ZkA
No comments:
Post a Comment