A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki



July 29, 2020

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2009. As you can see, our living room floor was BUSY! Car tracks, cars, Legos...... you name it, it was in our living room. That weekend, Peter and Mattie built the Lego Taj Mahal together. It truly was labor intensive, but a work of art. The Taj sat in our living room for ten years. At which point, I dismantled most of it, except for its center tower. That remains with us, as I feel it is a symbolic piece of our cancer journey together!


Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins

  • number of people diagnosed with the virus: 4,398,898
  • number of people who died from the virus: 150,062



Peter and I have both commented since March that we are dreaming more! As research seems to indicate, we aren't necessarily dreaming more, but we are remembering our dreams more! Why? Our sleep cycles maybe off. Since many of us are working from home, we are sleeping later than usual. The brain normally moves through the REM (the last and deepest part of the sleep cycle) sleep cycle several times a night -- about once every hour and a half. So the longer you sleep, the more dreams you can have. Or we maybe tossing and turning and waking up frequently throughout the night. Thereby, coming into conscious from a dream, which enables us to remember our dream more vividly. 

It is reported that 87% of Americans have had unusual dreams since the pandemic began. I attached a link to an article below. As researchers are conducting a sleep survey and are asking for people to share their dreams. People are having nightmare about getting sick, about feeling helpless, getting attacked, and so forth. The fears we face in quarantine, are popping up at night in our dreams. Our brains are trying to face our anxieties that naturally arise under a crisis, and I would say being locked down for months, forced to socially distance, and wear a mask qualifies as a very big and indefinite crisis.  

The article goes on to discuss the different dreams that non-health care workers have compared to first responders. Noting that doctors, nurses, and other medical personnel are more likely to have dreams about saving someone’s life, and not having any control over what’s happening. When reading this my reaction was, yes, I can understand this. Months and perhaps the first year or so after Mattie died, my dreams were more like the kind of nightmares a health care professional would have. I was reliving Mattie dying in my dreams, but dying in different ways (drowning, falling off a cliff, etc). Either case the end was the same.... Mattie was dead and I couldn't prevent it!

Anycase, if you are like us, and find yourself remembering your dreams since COVID began, you might find this article of interest. 

COVID and Sleep: Sweet Dreams Aren’t Made of This:

https://www.webmd.com/lung/news/20200527/covid-and-sleep-sweet-dreams-arent-made-of-this

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