Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2003. Mattie was 16 months old and I took him to Los Angeles to visit my parents that summer. That particular day we went to the LA Zoo. I honestly can't remember visiting this Zoo when I lived in California. Mattie introduced me to many activities and places I had never experienced before!
Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins.
- Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 35,189,465
- Number of people who died from the virus: 614,120
I was tired of seeing them each day, so I literally snapped a photo of them and put them on Next Door for free. Within 25 minutes, someone contacted me and said they would pick them up today! I am not sure why the previous owner did not advertise these shelves? How on earth was someone going to know they were available?
Given I currently live in a complex with over 800 units in Washington, DC, I am used to being the responsible one. For reporting issues, getting involved and helping people, and the list goes on. I was hoping to move into a neighborhood with others like me, but I can see my voice and inserting myself will be needed there too!
Here is another beautiful letter I received from friends after Mattie died. Their daughter and Mattie were in preschool together. Ironically, reading this letter now reminds me of that moment in time. As this family gave Peter and I pedometers after Mattie died. Not much resonated with us after Mattie died, but the pedometers and their message did. They got us out walking, interacting with nature, and the pedometers gave us numerical feedback that we were moving, alive, and part of the world around us. For years, I always had a pedometer on me. I got used to tracking my steps and like the letter below describes, counting my steps empowered me and put me back in control.
--------------------------------
Dear Vicki and Peter,
I have been guilty of being a silent but faithful follower of your blog. Our house has lived the ups and unfortunately too frequent downs of Mattie's courageous battle. We have shared so many tears at our keyboard at the Pisano household thinking and praying for Mattie and you. However, I need to step out beyond being a faceless number of your website visitor counter just to share a story, a gift, and our love for Mattie and you.
November 23, 1982, is a day I will not forget. It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I was 15 years old. My 14 year old sister headed off to basketball practice. She never came back. She died suddenly of a heart aneurysm. My two older brothers and I were shocked. My parents, losing their only daughter, were despondent. She wasn't only my sister, she was my best friend.
How people grieve and deal with such loss is different for all. My parents, like you, were devastated. I was a sophomore trying to fit into high school and probably repressed a bunch of my sorrow. I wish technology was more advanced (and we had more money) back then and we had the documentation via photos, video, etc to capture her voice, mannerisms, and other aspects that the passage of time cruelly erases from memories. You are so fortunate to have these photos and videos of Mattie for the future.
My sister's name was Nancy. Hence, when Jane became pregnant I was hoping for a girl to name after my sister. Our daughter Nancy is named after my sister. The naming of Nancy is a little, but important way for me to honor and remember my sister. I miss her as much today as I did 27 years ago but recognize that I can grieve and live at the same time. Your loss brings back so many of the same feelings I have had.
I am not here to say that everything will be okay in one month, one year, or 10 years. This unbelievable and senseless loss will be with you but it will change to different forms over time. You will get through this.
We had bought the enclosed pedometers for you in August but never got to you. I think the pedometers are something that can be used by you for some empowerment and fresh air. Basically, you have lived with life seemingly beyond your control. You were reacting and being pushed around by Mattie's cancer. Pedometers empower you. It is you who controls how many steps are going to be on it. Today 1,000 steps. Tomorrow, 1,250. It is something, albeit minor, that at the end of the day is in your control and power. And the beauty of walks, at least for me, is the ability to clear my mind, notice new things outside and develop renewed appreciation for the beautiful and interesting things in life. I haven't included sneakers and mittens but hope the pedometers gives you something to chat about and some challenges for the daily routines you have.
Again, I am not eloquent enough to find the right words or poetry to capture all that you are facing. Know that the stinging and bitter emotions from the death of a loved one do dissipate over time. Like the ticker in a pedometer, the struggle for understanding and comfort after this loss takes one step at a time.
Please let Jane and I know if there is anything we can do for you. We look forward to donating to the Mattie Foundation when it is up and running. With most heartfelt wishes, Paul Pisano
1 comment:
Truly a profound and beautiful letter. I am in awe of the pedometer gift. All the letters you have posted the last couple of days are touching beyond words. So very beautiful.
Post a Comment