Tonight's picture was taken on June 2, 2008. Literally about a month before Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. We took him to Roosevelt Island that weekend so he could play with his remote controlled boat. Mattie's joke was that he was going to save all his pennies and money gifts so that he could buy a REAL boat one day. He was that intrigued by these forms of transportation.
Also note the sandals Mattie was wearing. I will never forget them! When Mattie died, our neighbor's dog came inside and took one of these sandals. For years, JJ (the Jack Russell) kept Mattie's sandal in his doggie crate at home. To me this symbolized Mattie's connection to JJ, as JJ was depressed for months after Mattie died.
Quote of the day: It is clear that a tired, under-slept brain is little more than a leaky memory sieve, in no state to receive, absorb, or efficiently retain an education. ~ Matthew Walker
I relate to tonight's quote. I am tired and therefore it is hard to focus on any one thing. Case in point, Sunny's vet was talking to me today because they found red and white blood cells in Sunny's urine. He was telling me that a urine culture would need to be performed (which takes three days), but because the issue isn't significant, he isn't putting Sunny on antibiotics until we get the results. I heard what he said and understood it on one level, but don't you know I asked him.... so are you putting him on antibiotics now?! After this came out of my mouth, I realized.... NO! He just told me that. The vet is aware of what I am balancing, so he handled it well. But there are days I wonder if I have dementia too. Of course the answer is NO, I am just very tired, overworked, strung out, and never have down time. I am sure this could produce problems with cognition for anyone.
Sunny spent half of a day at the oncology center. He went practically the whole day without food, since he needed an empty stomach for more testing. In any case, Sunny's chemo dosage has been increased by 10mg, so I have no idea what will be in store for us tomorrow. Right now on 50mg, he is doing well and tolerating it, thanks to his pre-medications which help with nausea and stomach upset. What is perplexing is how expensive pet medication is, so much so that the vet is recommending we get all of Sunny's scripts filled at Costco. So tomorrow, I will head over to Costco and try to fill all of Sunny's meds except for chemo. Honestly I have so much I am juggling that I would prefer if the vet just gave me all these medications, rather than having to drive to Costco and deal with crowds and lines. Mattie never liked Costco, as he was affected by loud sounds and big open spaces. It was like sensory overload for him. Unfortunately Mattie's feelings have transitioned over to me. His issues have become my issues!
Since it was a rainy day and my dad was home all day, I decided to take my parent's out to lunch. It helps break up the long days at home and enables us to interact with the outside world. Which is crucial, otherwise, I can feel myself ready to blow when I am home. It is a combination of frustration, stress, and anxiety.
While I was at lunch, my dad asked the same question for the 100th time. Sometimes I can handle it better than others. But given that we just reviewed the content of what he was asking minutes before I snapped. I am not snapping because he doesn't remember, I am snapping because he makes NO effort what so ever to use the strategies he has learned to try to remember. He carries a small notebook and pen with him at all times. Want to know what's in the notebook? NOTHING. Despite prompts and reminders, and even suggestions, he never complies and uses the book. Which is why I ask him all the time.... why carry the book??
When I wonder whether he should go to the memory care center three times a week, I have a day like today. A day where all he wants to do is sleep in his chair and not be bothered, and I realize.... YEP he needs that center big time. He needs the stimulation and structure that only a group setting can provide. I am quite certain without this stimulation I would see dramatic decreases (beyond what I am already seeing) in his cognitive function.
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