Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2007. That day we went over to Zachary's (Mattie's best friend from kindergarten) house. Visiting Zachary was his former nanny, Sara. Sara just had a baby and she came to introduce all of us to him. To me this photo will always be priceless. I love how the baby was looking at Sara and how Mattie was looking at me. Mattie enjoyed meeting and holding the baby and was very gentle with him. It was very touching to observe. Mattie and I were both close to Sara, as she was an excellent nanny and became a friend of ours over the years. I can't tell you how many countless playdates Mattie and Zachary had together, and therefore that meant that Sara and I spent a lot of time chatting and getting to know one another.
Quote of the day: I will never forget the moment your heart stopped and mine kept beating. ~ Angela Miller
It was another fun day in paradise. I had to get my dad up early and to his physical therapy appointment. If I leave the house, rest assured that my mom wants to go with us. So getting her moving in the morning is like herding cats. She gets up at 5:30am, every day. I honestly have no idea what takes her four hours to do upstairs. But in comparison I can get myself up, showered, dressed, downstairs to make breakfast, vacuum the first floor, then return upstairs to wake my dad, get their bed made, shower and dress him and bring him downstairs, while she is still upstairs doing who knows what! I could hope that she will rise to occasion and help out and do something. But I gave up on that months ago. Whatever her illness is, it has impacted every aspect of behavior. As a result both of my parents focus primarily on themselves. There is little room for anything else other than their needs.
I went to therapy with my dad, and of course his therapist added three more exercises to his routine. A routine that is like pulling teeth with him at home. With the therapist, he is compliant, but at home I have to push him to get anything done. I can't just hand him a list of his exercises, or even photos of his exercises and ask him to do them! He won't, nor can he follow written or pictorial directions. Therefore the only way to get him to do exercises, is to do them with him. Which of course is labor intensive and requires my time.
After his session, I took my dad back downstairs to meet up with my mom, who was having tea in the hospital atrium. It did not take long from that point on for me to have a meltdown. I am quite certain that my parents look at their current situation and think I have nothing better to do than care for both of them all day. Afterall, I do not have a paying job outside the house. In their minds, I am not missing any opportunities or missing deadlines and other deliverables. True, I do not report to an office, and I am not a doctor, nurse, or you pick a profession. Nonetheless, before they moved in, I was very busy and the Foundation has been my full-time job since 2009. I may not receive a dime for any of my work, but I consider it important and I also believe the Foundation has done great work. These accomplishments do not occur by osmosis or by magic. There is no appreciation for that and between that and my current level of exhaustion, I can easily implode and start screaming. I honestly can start screaming wherever I am and I don't care whose listening.
Does screaming accomplish anything or evoke change? The quick answer is NO! But I do think there is an emotional component to screaming and it helps for me to expend energy that causes me internally to feel angry and frustrated.
On another note, Sunny went back to the vet today for a follow up ultrasound. The good news, at least preliminarily, is that Sunny seems to be responding to his new chemotherapy. His tumors have remained stable in size and haven't increased or multiplied. I take whatever good news we can get and I am so happy that Sunny appears to be feeling better than he has for a while.
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