Tuesday, October 18, 2022

Tuesday, October 18, 2022 -- Mattie died 681 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2006. Mattie was four and half years old and we took him to a Fall Festival that weekend. At each festival, Mattie would pick out a pumpkin. We typically had quite a collection by the time Halloween rolled around. I never remember going to a fall festival as a kid, so in many ways, it was like being a kid again while raising Mattie. I really had no feeling whatsoever about pumpkins before Mattie. Once Mattie came along, I developed a love for all things pumpkin. Even the color orange (one of Mattie's favorite colors)!

Quote of the day: Grief is an amputation, but hope is incurable hemophilia: You bleed and bleed and bleed. ~ David Mitchell

This morning, after my usual routine, I had a conference call with a PhD student. She reached out to me to discuss her dissertation. This student participated in the webinar I was on last week and she wanted to chat with me about the psychosocial impact of childhood cancer. She is interested in focusing on fathers, which is a great thing, since there are few studies examining them, their needs, and the resources that could be helpful to them on their child's journey. It was a very stimulating conversation and it put me in a better mood. 

Later this afternoon, I took my mom out to several stores. Not far from where we live in this wonderful commons area that has some clothing boutique stores. I love this shopping area because during the week it is charming and not crowded. We spent about two hours shopping, which is like therapy for my mom. However, there are very big differences in my mom's level of functioning between now and when she moved here in December of 2021. Today I had to assist her undressing, dressing, and taking her shoes on and off. Things I wouldn't have to do in December. It isn't like my mom physically can't do this, but from a balance standpoint, she really needs support. I know she is aware of this on some level and I just jump in to support her without making a big deal of it. I may not verbalize it, but I am observing everything. 

Peter shared several fall photos with me. Images he captured outside our house. A beautiful oak leaf! Mattie loved oak trees and this mighty leaf reminds me of him. I can't tell you how many acorns he and I picked up together over the years! Mattie used to give them to special people as gifts. 

A geranium still in bloom.

A Mattie Miracle colored rose. 

Last year, Peter's mom gave us this inflatable pumpkin. This one isn't large and it fits in our front flower bed area perfectly, making it look like a pumpkin patch.

Of course if Peter is out front, Sunny tags along. Sunny loves sitting in this flower bed. It is a strategic spot where he can look around for wildlife. We did not pose Sunny, he naturally sat in this spot and Peter snapped the photo. I always thought Sunny's coat reminded me of the beauty of the fall.