Tonight's picture was taken on Mother's Day of 2007. It is ironic that we still visit this restaurant. Now we take my parents here on a regular basis and visit with Dawn, one of our favorite servers. That day, Mattie posed for a picture and he wanted to show us how he felt about me. So he crossed his arms over his heart, to indicate how much he LOVED me. It was a previous moment in time and I am so glad Peter captured it on camera.
Quote of the day: We will either find a way, or make one. ~ Anibal Barca
On Mother's Day, I had a conference call with a colleague of Peter's. They are trying to capture stories from caregivers of family members with Alzheimer's disease. I have been included as one of the six caregivers they are interviewing to hear perspectives, insights, and learn what caregivers would want to know before enrolling a loved one in a clinical trial for this form of dementia. I literally had no time to prepare for this interview, which was video recorded. But I took a deep breath and just tried to reflect on my day to day experiences. After the interview was over I actually felt like I accomplished something, other than my usual menial tasks. Not that I am solving any big life issues or problems with this one interview, but what it did remind me was I am gaining insights about this disease that are of value and help to others. So this put me in a better mood. At the end of the day, we all want to be useful, feel like we have a purpose, and make a difference.
This morning, the day started off badly. My mom and I got into an argument about a bill she had to pay. This was followed right thereafter, by a complete disaster in the shower with my dad. While my dad was in the shower, I took my eye off of him for one minute, to collect garbage from the trash cans in the other bedrooms. This is something that I do routinely every morning. My dad sits in a shower chair so he is typically secure. But this morning, after returning with the trash in hand, I could smell something horrible coming from the bathroom. When I looked in the shower, I saw my dad standing. I knew immediately that he was pooping in the shower, as he stands for NO other reason.
To avoid such messes in the shower, I have put his big hospital basin in the shower for such purposes. As I rather him go in the basin then all over the shower. But of course, since I wasn't in the bathroom to remind him to use the basin, he instead made a mess and was spreading it all over the shower. It was so bad, that he clogged the drain in the shower and he was ankle deep in muddy water. Needless to say I was hysterical.
Truthfully when dealing with this, I want to jump out the window. It is easy to feel so overwhelmed, with no way to make the situation better. After all I can't rationalize with him. He has NO memory. In fact, once out of the shower, and while I was cloroxing it, he had NO idea why I was doing what I was doing or the fact that he had just pooped in the shower. It is a very frustrating and at times hopeless disease.
After my dad had breakfast, I got him in the car, and drove him to his memory care program. While helping my dad inside, a woman was watching me. As I was getting back in my car, she waved me over. Since I knew she had just come from the memory care center, I figured perhaps she worked there. Turns out that she is a caregiver to her mom. Her mom just started in the program this week and isn't transitioning well. We exchanged numbers because we both know that the majority of caregivers at this center are spouses, NOT children. So kudos to her for seeking out a fellow adult child to chat with. In any case, I tried to explain to her that this transition to the center is hard and it may take weeks or months for her mom to get used to it. I remember those moments back in March of 2022, when I thought I would pull my dad from the program. But the alternative wasn't great! Him sleeping and stagnant all day at home was not the solution, as I couldn't engage him throughout the day on my own. I knew my limitations and knew I needed help.
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