Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Tuesday, May 23, 2023 -- Mattie died 712 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007. This was Mattie's first day of summer camp at his preschool. Given that Mattie went the previous summer, he was less anxious about what to expect and by that point, he knew he was headed to have a fun and engaging half day at camp. Mattie's school was one of a kind and to this day, I am close to many of the moms I had the honor to meet there. 

Quote of the day: How many times have we attempted the impossible and tried to change other people. Often this ends up being an exercise of frustration as attempting to change others truly is a waste of time! ~ Catherine Pulsifer

This morning, I woke up to photos Peter sent me from our backyard! I know this sounds bizarre, but he knows I rarely have a moment to myself, much less spend any time outside. Both of my parents have issues with being outside. It is either too hot, too cold, or they are afraid to get bitten by a mosquito. 

Peter knows how much I LOVE sunflowers, so he planted many of them for me! Our first sunflower of the season! 

This beauty is a spaghetti squash blossom!

Peter had an appointment today at Mattie's hospital, as he needs surgery in July. Though I wanted to go with him to meet the surgeon myself, I couldn't leave my circus show. In front of the main entrance is a memorial brick for Mattie (right by that blue sign). This brick was a gift to us from the philanthropy department. 

Where the memorial tile is located!

A close up of the tile! I used to visit this tile every September 8th, the anniversary of Mattie's death. 

Tonight's quote reminds me that I have to stop trying to rationalize with my mom. The only one it frustrates is me. I was telling her about Peter's upcoming surgery and suggested that since he needs general anesthesia, that we pick a day for surgery when my dad isn't at the memory care center. So that he would remain home with my mom, while I am at the hospital with Peter. I suggested this because I want my focus to be on Peter, and I do not want to feel pressure or concern about having to pick my dad up at a certain time. Not only can't my mom comprehend what I am suggesting, but she gets mad that I am inconveniencing her. Apparently my role now is to meet their every need, and if I should attempt to schedule something that doesn't include her, that just isn't allowed. Which is why I have no life now. Peter needing my support is important to me and therefore I would have hoped would be important to my mom too. Forget it.