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Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2006. Mattie was four years old! I remember taking this photo as if it were yesterday. Mattie took the photo of himself as a toddler off the refrigerator. I suggested he come back over to the same coffee table to check out how much he grew in just a few years. Mattie's big smile shows his pride with this accomplishment. He went from the table being waist height to almost knee height. I absolutely LOVE that smile.
Quote of the day: There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t. ~ John Green
It was another red letter day here! My morning started with my dad pooping in the shower. However, this time I wasn't far from the bathroom and I could see what he was about to do! I am so thankful I saved all the big hospital wash basins. They are a life saver! Some days I stop and think to myself.... my life has evolved into recording, cleaning, and assessing poop! My parents are fortunate that very little fazes me and that I can compartmentalize one toxic offense and not let it (for the most part) impact how I operate with them for the rest of the day.
After I dropped my dad off at the memory care center this morning, I ran back home, picked my mom up and drove her for physical therapy. My mom has been having muscle spasms in her back all day today. So she is in pain and overall not happy about our existence.
Once her session was over, our favorite pianist was playing in the hospital atrium. So instead of bringing my mom home, I suggested we sit, have tea and listen to Aija! Aija has gotten to know us and she knows my mom loves Puccini, and plays several pieces just for my mom. I swear listening to Aija in the hospital atrium is like attending a concert! It is a moment of peace and joy. Of course with caregiving, these moments are few and far between.
Later this afternoon, I picked my dad up and we all went for a late lunch. Yesterday my dad didn't eat well, and we figured this was a one off. But today he took like three bites of food and then said he was full. He pushed his plate away from him, gets agitated with us, and looks at us absolutely stupefied. Watching how my dad eats and behaves truly upsets my mom, which did not help how she coped with her muscle spasms. She started keeling over at the restaurant table. Frankly I wasn't sure who to manage first. What is abundantly clear to me is that my dad has no insight into anything going on, how his behavior impacts us, nor really seems to care. So in essence this is a shell of the man I once knew, which is beyond depressing. Yet I have to absorb all these issues, everyone's emotions, as well as manage intensive caregiving needs for both of my parents. Some days I think this is another test to my endurance, and frankly I thought managing Mattie's care and death were more than enough.
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