Thursday, May 25, 2023

Thursday, May 25, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2006. I went out that day for a taste of DC tour with Mattie's preschool teacher. Ironically she was Mattie's teacher, but we became fast friends! Mattie truly grew and blossomed in her classroom, and given the nightmare of a time we had in his previous preschool, she was determined that this would be a positive experience for us. It was such a positive experience that even today the moms I got connected with back then are still my friends today. So while I was out and about, Peter and Mattie went to purchase a bicycle, training wheels and a helmet. Mattie was very excited by this new adventure! 

Quote of the day: Dementia is not a specific disease. It's an umbrella term that describes a wide range of symptoms. These symptoms affect people's ability to perform everyday activities on their own. Common symptoms of dementia include: A decline in memory, Changes in thinking skills, Poor judgment and reasoning skills, Decreased focus and attention, Changes in language, and Changes in behavior. ~ Jonathan Graff-Radford, M.D.

Peter is now in Boston for a week. He is visiting his parents and also attending our nephew's graduation from Bates College in Maine on Sunday. There are many things that I just can't participate in and honestly this can be frustrating to me. I can't plan anything or have a break (and haven't had a day off since November of 2021). Because each day my life is filled with tasks, demands, and needs. Caring for one parent is hard enough, but I have two that need different levels of support at the same time. 

I took my dad to his podiatry appointment this morning. He visits this doctor every 9 weeks. Today we learned that the doctor is retiring after practicing 40 years. I was actually surprised because the doctor did not look old enough to retire, from my perspective. So this makes the second doctor caring for my dad who is retiring. I am happy for these doctors, but certainly any change in my opinion is difficult because it is like starting all over again from the beginning with my dad's long medical history! Which to me is exhausting. 

I would have to say that today was NOT my finest hour. After the appointment, I ran chores with my parents in the car. This to me is stressful because I can't be on my own time line. I only did these chores because they were Foundation related, otherwise, I wouldn't be doing them. Once chores were done, I took my parents out to lunch. My dad is the one who wants to eat out all the time. In fact when he eats at home, he is disappointed! I used to like to cook and consider myself a foodie, but my dad takes my appetite away on many levels. 

Any case, at the restaurant, we ordered several things for my dad at eat. He ate some, but then refused to eat anymore because he kept saying he was stuffed. I only gave him fruit for breakfast, because I wanted him to eat lunch. But it was very depressing and of course while my mom and I are eating, my dad is staring at us, waiting for us to quickly finish. So I told my dad today that he has to listen to me when I select the foods he should be eating from the menu. But truly it is like rationalizing with a toddler. 

What sends me over the edge is my dad's preoccupation with Peter. He always wants to know where Peter is, what Peter is doing, and then constantly asks whether he has to refer to Peter as "his excellency" or "curtesy" because Peter got a new job. My dad is very tuned into Peter and views him as someone who is bright, gifted, and talented. Of course I don't disagree, but I am SICK of hearing non-stop about Peter. From my dad's perspective my role is to serve, I am the caregiver and I don't really have any other dimension or need. So today when this crazy conversation came up today, I snapped. 

My mom encouraged my dad to eat, but he wasn't having any of it. He finally said, "who is luckier than me?" He may have been trying to be humorous but I wasn't laughing and I don't find my day to day existence funny. I truly believe that the average adult child would have institutionalized my dad about a month into providing care for him. It's not any one particular issue or symptom, but the whole magnitude of issues together that I face on any given day that make caregiving for parents with dementia very challenging and emotionally exhausting.