Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2006. Mattie was four years old. Mattie carved a pumpkin in preschool that day and was very proud of his creation. Which was why I snapped a photo of him with this orange cutie. From a very early age Mattie gravitated to the color orange. I have to admit, I was never an orange fan. But Mattie changed all of that for me and now it is one of my favorite colors.
Quote of the day: Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief. ~ William Faulkner
This afternoon, after a full day of chores and managing my parents, I decided to leave the house and took Sunny with me. We went on a walk together. Poor fellow! Sunny has the spirit and desire, but physically he is very challenged walking. I don't push or drag him. We take our time together and what I have learned is by moving at his slower pace, it gives me more time to pause and notice the world around me. Typically when I walk, I am moving quickly. So quickly that I may not be observing what's around me in totality. In the world that we live in now, reconnecting with nature, beauty, and the value of life is more crucial than ever.
But here is it.... Sunny is helping me once again! Sunny came into my life in 2016. Life after Mattie's death has been impossible at time. But I would say Sunny is a consistent bright spot in my life. He is loyal, loving, and my companion. I certainly miss the walks we used to do in the past, where we could walk for 5-8 miles at a time. Those were the days, when we walked around the National Mall and explored the historic sites and beauty of the city. Life seemed simpler then, living with so much grief. But once again, when I am faced with great stress, sadness, and anxiety, I turn to walking. Walking with my buddy. Thank goodness for Sunny!
On our walk today, Sunny happens to love sniffing and exploring a bank of pine and oak trees. These were two of Mattie's favorites. I am not sure it is a coincidence that Sunny loves the same trees as Mattie. In any case, while Sunny was checking out the trees, I decided to collect acorns. Not unlike what Mattie used to do! I can't tell you how many acorns Mattie collected over the years. In fact, he would collect them and give them to special people in his life.... as gifts! I distinctly recall that Mattie's occupational therapist would receive an acorn in the fall each week! She must have had quite a collection going from us. Mattie may not be walking with me literally, but as I appreciate the acorns and pinecones, I remember my moments as a mom and feel that these gifts from nature continue to keep us connected.
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