Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Tonight's picture features Mattie with his remote controlled boat at Roosevelt Island. This picture was taken in June of 2008, a month before Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. He looks like the picture of health here, and little did we know that inside his body turmoil was ensuing. I remember this day fondly, because Mattie picked out this boat and was so excited to be able to sail it on the Island.

Poem of the day: Butterfly

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam
And for a brief moment its glory
and beauty belong to our world
But then it flies again
And though we wish it could have stayed...
We feel lucky to have seen it.


Tonight's poem reminds me of Mattie. In a way Mattie was like a butterfly. Physically he was delicate, but his inner spirit was full of flight and color. But like a butterfly, Mattie flew away much too soon, and I am left longing for more time, yet grateful for whatever moments we did have together.

I had the opportunity to meet my friend, Christine today for lunch. Christine's son, Campbell, and Mattie were very close friends. They met each other in kindergarten and in many ways they were a lot alike. They could play for hours at a time with each other, creating stories and doing all sorts of imaginative play. In fact, watching them was almost an adventure, because you never knew what they were going to think up next. They enjoyed running around, being outside, playing on the playground, talking with each other, and just being themselves. They respected and were comfortable with each other, which are very important components of friendship. I will never forget one afternoon, right after school, Christine and I met on the school playground and the boys played together for hours. They collected all sorts of things they found on the playground (e.g., rocks, sticks, etc...) and put these things into a pile. Part of the playground has a tree lined area, and they went between the trees and created a fort. Within the fort, they placed the pile of playground findings. But a rock wasn't just a rock, to them it represented a piece of gold. Each item they found was special and had greater significance than what it actually looked like. I really appreciated the creativity in their play, and I am so happy that Christine was willing to meet after school on a regular basis for the boys to have this free time together. Free time for our children is crucial, especially in the fast paced world we live in. It is the moments of free time that I now look back upon fondly, and I am so happy Mattie had plenty of them! While Mattie and Campbell were playing, Christine and I would be watching them and talking with each other. It was during their playdates that our children were building a bond, but so were we. We bonded over being moms, life in general, and raising boys. I look back on these special playground times, and cherish them, because it was on the playground that Mattie learned the fun of being a child and we both learned the beauty of making a friend.

Christine and I had a very lovely and meaningful lunch. We talked a lot about Mattie, how I am doing, and my fears and worries about the future. It is very hard sometimes to listen to someone who is in so much pain or who seems lost, but Christine kept pace with me, and was extremely supportive, understanding, and as I told her "real." Part of me always worries that without Mattie in my life, and without me being a mom, other moms will feel awkward around me. The beautiful part about today is that I learned Christine and I are friends first and foremost regardless of the situation, and this was a special gift for me to experience. After lunch we walked around Old Town Alexandria for about thirty minutes and talked.

Peter and I really value the wonderful e-mails we are receiving with your feedback about the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation and its website. We also appreciate the donations we received today! We thank you all for your continued support and for your passion to keep Mattie's memory alive.

I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I am glad that Tuesday was a good day overall with you getting out and going to lunch. I don’t believe in coincidences; I think that you were meant to meet Jerry after you already had a relationship with him due to Mattie’s illness. I can’t help but feel you are right and that Mattie was a part of that “reunion meeting” at the assisted living facility. The foundation seems to be progressing well and I am relieved to hear that you and the board are in agreement about what needs to be done. I also agree that supportive social services are essential when dealing with the life threatening illness facing a child; it impacts every facet of the family’s life. The attitude of both the child and the parents are critical in managing the illness and the treatment and should not be neglected. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers."