Saturday, January 30. 2010

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Tonight's picture was taken when Mattie was one month old. I loved his facial expression in this photo. It almost looks like he is saying, "ohhhhhhhhh!" Mattie was the cutiest baby in my perspective and I miss snuggling up against his adorable cheeks.

Poem of the day: Frabrizia by Kristin Burridge

I held your little fingers curled
And watched you leave this lonely world.
My heart was torn apart, in two
I am so badly missing you.
I think of how you used to smile,
And even though it's been a while
My heart is still an empty place
With days that still, I cannot face
The long dark winter's turned to spring
With nature's beauty, birds that sing.
But I'm so sad you're missing this
I have no little face to kiss....
The park, the swans, you used to look
At pictures in your story book
Your teddies lined against the wall,
They badly miss you, one and all
I see your bus from school go by
I feel the tears well up and cry
I wish my darling I could be
Just near to you-so desperately!
My only thought to help me through
That angels looking after you,
Will send a message from above
Of hope, and everlasting love.

I have been very ill all day. I was unable to sleep last night at all, and have been running 102 degree fevers. So tonight's posting is going to be very short. I am just not physically up to writing. It is my hope to feel better, because I have tickets to see my favorite ballet on Sunday. I find I need these moments to look forward to, otherwise, dealing with grief each day can become overwhelming.

I would like to share a message I received today from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "You hit several notes in your blog that resonated for me. One was about having shifting priorities. It often seems when one is young and starting out that all the time is devoted to working and it either takes a significant loss or just aging and the losses that come with that to make us realize that where we put our priorities are not necessarily in the right places. If you ask an older person what they want, most will answer, more time with those they care about. Not money, not things, but connections. Many of us who had strong friendships growing up abandon them in our 20s and 30s and sometimes even 40s to pursue promotions and the things that work will buy in the hopes of being happy. What we often find is that we are surrounded by things, but not by love and caring and so we begin to try to recreate those connections we once had with varying degrees of success. While none of us are happy about what has brought you to this point, I am glad that you have found connections that are meaningful to you and I encourage you to maintain them; these friendships are priceless. The other thing that stayed with me was your comment about expressing oneself in a creative way and how therapeutic it can be. This is so true and it makes me wonder what our next generation will do when faced with loss (as we all are). Will they be able to learn or find an outlet for their feelings as adults if this has not been cultivated in them as children? I suspect we will soon find out and the answer may not be one we like. I encourage you to explore those artistic and creative things you loved and to find a way to incorporate your feelings in them. As always, I will be mindful of you when I practice today and dedicate my focus and energy to you."