Tonight's picture was taken in March 2009. We took Mattie for a walk by the Tidal Basin in DC to view the beautiful cherry blossoms. I look at this picture now and it is hard to believe that we are approaching yet another Spring. It is freezing right now in Washington, DC, so it is hard for me to believe that in less than a month the cherry blossoms will be blooming. That alone is hard to come to grips with, but it is even harder for us to accept that we have gone through a Fall, Winter, and soon Spring without Mattie in our lives. As you can see in the picture, Mattie collected a branch from his walk. Mattie was a collector at heart and a sentimentalist. He loved to take a memento home with him from each of his walks.
Poem of the day: Oh the Lies I have Told by Lana Golembeski
No one knows the pain
That lies behind these smiling eyes
No one sees the tears that are
Buried deep within my heart.
Oh the lies I have told!
I am just fine I say.
When the truth is
I can hardly find my way.
While in my heart the pain
Grows and grows and grows
With the emptiness of loss
That no one really knows.
Over and over
They say time will always heal
When in fact,
The pain is still as real.
It feels like yesterday when I heard those awful words
"Today, we lost our little girl"
I will never be the same again
My life is all awhirl.
In timeless space,
My heart is forever broken
Aching from the pain
With words that are never spoken.
Oh, the lies I have told!
I am just fine I say
When the truth is
I cannot find my way.
Peter and I went to see Jerry Seinfeld last night perform at the Kennedy Center. Clearly this performance was almost sold out, and you should note that Seinfeld is SO popular in DC, that he performs two shows a night. While waiting for the show to begin, there was Frank Sinatra music playing in the background. Peter and I are fans of Sinatra music, and for some reason it is impossible for me to hear "New York, New York" and not smile.
There was a comedian who did a pre-show last night. This comedian was a riot. Mostly because he was talking about everyday things that we can all relate to.... such as the use of cell phones, shopping at Home Depot, and traveling on airplanes. However, he did a comic routine about movie theatre ticket collectors that was downright hysterical. He asked the audience why on earth movie theatres have someone to sell you a ticket, and then someone else inside the theatre collecting the ticket who actually tears it in half and gives you the torn stub back. He asked us how on earth a movie theatre employer interviews someone for this ticket tearing job. So he acted out such an interview for us. He pretended to walk into an employer's office, and explained how qualified he was for the ticket tearing job, and how enthusiastic he is, and then with his hands he pretends to throw confetti at the employer. His punch line was..... I think my resume speaks for itself! Meaning his ripped up resume is proof of his amazing qualifications! I am not doing this justice, but it was a riot!
Seinfeld's performance was true to his TV show. His comedy routine centers around nothing and everything. He did two routines that had me laughing. The first routine played on the obsession our US culture has with coffee, and going to coffee houses. The second routine was aimed right at me, people addicted to their Blackberries. He said you can always tell you are with someone who owns a Blackberry, because the person is multitasking, listening, and yet glancing down occasionally to check one's phone. His point was well taken! We have become a culture who is far more comfortable communicating through a text and e-mails messages, rather than face to face conversation. So there was a lot of truth in his jesting. Seinfeld did a whole segment on married versus single men. He explained that he is 55, has been married 10 years, and has three children. As he continued to talk about his children, this brought sadness to Peter and I, rather than laughter.
This is our first weekend home after our trip away. Weekends are AMAZINGLY challenging for Peter and I. It is during these times we feel most directionless, because naturally in the past, weekends were filled occupying Mattie. So needless to say it wasn't a good day for either of us, and I will spare you the details. The one bright spot was outside tonight there is an incredible moon, which caught my attention, and of course my heart as I reflect on my "Mattie Moon."
I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I know that Ann is grateful that you are visiting Mary while she is gone and it is clear that Mary also values your visits. What you are doing for Florence to me goes even further above and beyond that; to show kindness to someone who is truly a stranger to you. In Judaism that is one of the highest forms of kindness and good deeds and I hope that eventually these kindnesses make their way back to you somehow. I am glad you and Peter are going out and I hope you had a good time last night and found something to laugh about in Jerry Seinfeld's routine. Sometimes life is so absurd, there is not much else one can do but laugh if you are not to spend all of your time in tears. As I practice today and work on my ever fragile balance I will send my energy to you in the hopes that for a space of time you find that balance in your life. I hold you gently in my thoughts."
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