Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2005 at the DC Aquatic Gardens. These gardens are one of the District of Columbia's best kept secrets. They are breathtaking, especially in June and July when the water lilies are in bloom. It is almost like being a part of a Claude Monet painting when the water lilies are in their glory. Mattie loved visiting this park and he especially loved looking for great blue herons, beavers, and other wildlife that inhabit this space.
Poem of the day: For Trevor by Kim H
I miss you more than you'll ever know
The world is not the same without you here
Sadness washes over me without a moment's notice
Your presence can be so clear
I wish I could be that Mom again
The one who answered every call
And laughed at all your stories
Who lent the understanding ear
I loved being there for you
I looked forward to all that lay ahead
I wanted the best for you
I lost such a good friend
I still long to see that bright smile
That lit up those Irish eyes
I want to feel the strong hug
I want to hear your contagious laugh
The wait seems so long indeed
Until I can see you again
I just want to be that Mom again
The one who loved you more than you'll ever know
I woke up this morning from another memorable and equally disturbing dream. However, in this dream, Peter and my parents are in it with me. All of them are screaming at the doctors who are in the room with me. I vividly saw three doctors in the dream with me, and I knew one of them was a surgeon and the other was a neurologist. In any case, in the dream, they all concluded that something seriously was wrong with me, but they couldn't agree on the problem or the diagnosis. As I was coming to consciousness, I remember that I was running away from this chaos, and as I exited the hospital, I noticed I was running on cobblestone streets, and there were street car tracks in the road. I quickly realized I was no longer in the year 2010, but in a completely different decade. That is all I recall, but it was enough to make me pause, since I have now had two dreams in which I have some sort of terminal illness.
Peter and I spent the day together at Ann's house. Ann and her family return tomorrow night from vacation. While she is away, I promised we would clean up her front yard flower beds. We had a hard winter, and with that bushes and plants got hit hard. Peter and I have always loved to garden, and to be outside together. Working on this project, was a nice change of pace from our usual direction-less weekends. Between Peter and I, we have enough skills to select, design, and create a garden. It is still a work in progress, but we felt good with what we accomplished today. While we were cleaning up and planting, several of Ann's neighbors came over to say hello or to comment on how nice things were looking.
Later in the afternoon, I went to visit Mary! The first thing I said to her when I saw her was.....ONE MORE DAY (until Ann returns). All of Mary's caregivers started to laugh. Because they said the same thing to her as soon as she woke up today! I helped Mary with her dinner, we chatted about Ann's garden, and how she is looking forward to her granddaughter's first Holy Communion in April. As the evening wore on, Mary was telling me about her sisters and her brother, and this led her to then talk about her son. Mary's son died of cancer two years ago, and she told me that people know she lost her son but that they really do not understand how this really feels. She said I am different, because I know this pain and I also know that this pain won't go away. I couldn't have said it better.
I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "Yesterday was clearly a really tough day for you. Most other folks would have pulled the covers over their heads and refused to go out but you know how much your presence means to Mary and you went anyway. I am so sorry that your day both began and ended in a difficult way but I am grateful that you and Peter have reached that place where you can support each other over the really rough spots. Unfortunately, it is really impossible to predict what will bring them on or where on that road of life, those landmines of grief may be. So all I can say is when you stumble on one, I hope there is always a helping hand and a willing ear available to help you though. I hold you so gently in my heart today."
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