Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. At that point Mattie had completed his chemotherapy treatments and had all three surgeries behind him. It was our thinking that Mattie was on the road to recovery and rehabilitation. In June of 2009, Mattie was still coming to clinic weekly for his MTP-PE infusions (an experimental immunotherapy). That particular clinic visit, we decided to take the elevators upstairs and visit our HEM/ONC nurses on the fifth floor. They were excited to see us, and I naturally pulled out my trusty camera to document the moment. Pictured next to Mattie is Tricia on the left, and Kathleen on the right. These two nurses became very close to Mattie, they understood and respected him, and he told each of these nurses that he loved them during the course of his treatment (a word he did not use freely!). Standing next to me is Bernadette. Bernadette is a nurse tech and was one of my favorite people on the floor. She always greeted me with a smile and was always there to help with just about anything. Needless to say, these three women will never be forgotten.
Quote of the day: Human beings do not live forever. We live less than the time it takes to blink an eye, if we measure our lives against eternity. So it may be asked what value is there to a human life. There is so much pain in the world. What does it mean to have to suffer so much if our lives are nothing more than the blink of an eye? He paused again, his eyes misty now, then went on. I learned a long time ago, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives that span, he is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant. ~ Chaim Potok
As many of my readers know, my friend Denise sent me this very touching book of quotations recently. I plan on pulling a quote from this book each night, until I have shared every quote with you. Tonight's quote spoke to me as I read it. For centuries human beings have questioned the meaning and purpose of our existence. Especially when you consider the fact that we are only present in this world for an insignificant amount of time, or a "blink of an eye." What captured my attention in this quote was the response to this existential question. It is not the amount of time we are here, nor is the number of blinks or tasks we complete. Instead it is the quality we put into our lives..... meaning how we wish to invest in friendships, in our jobs, and in our society as a whole. Doing activities and living life with meaning and purpose make our lives immeasurable. So for all intensive purposes, the quantity of Mattie's life was beyond ridiculously small and insignificant. Yet, the way he lived his life, and the way he forced those around him to live our lives, is SOMETHING of quality. Something significant.
Yesterday, while outside in Ann's garden, I had Peter come outside with me, because I had a green friend I wanted to show him. For the past two weeks, I have noticed that there is a praying mantis that lives in the African Daisy I planted in Ann's front yard. This bug comes out during the daylight hours, especially when it is sunny, to capture his prey (bees, flies, butterflies, moths, etc....). Peter was just as fascinated by this creature as I am, so I handed him my camera and he captured some wonderful pictures. Mattie would have been beside himself with this sighting. In the picture below, Peter was able to capture nature in motion. If you look closely you will see the praying mantis (green and to the left of the yellow flower) stalking a moth. It was simply fascinating to watch the antennae on its head as well as the spikes on his legs that look like claws. Our presence did alter the likely outcome, and the moth did fly away to safety. However, I am not sure I have ever been this close to a praying mantis before, and I am simply intrigued how he has made a home in this daisy!
Peter and I spent part of the day with Ann's children. Ann and Bob got back this afternoon, and once they were settled in, Peter and I headed out to lunch. At lunch, I reflected with Peter what my reunions with Mattie were like when I returned home from a trip. First of all, I rarely left Mattie, even when he was healthy. I am not sure why, but I did not. I recall my friend Alison and I discussing this once and she said perhaps I spent those intense hours and days with Mattie throughout his life because a force greater than myself knew this was necessary. Necessary because our time together was going to be cut short. That comment has stayed with me, because there maybe truth to this. On the occasions I did leave Mattie, our reunions were always very memorable. Memorable because Mattie made me feel very special upon my return. He actually would almost leap right into my arms, and cover me with kisses, and practically squeeze me to death. As I was recalling this with Peter today, I could almost feel that actual reunion feeling. As if it were happening to me at the restaurant. However, I naturally felt at the same time extremely sad because this amazing little person who was full of love is no longer in my life.
Peter and I are now home, and of course are getting acclimated to our quiet existence. Being around children does liven one's world, and at times, like today, it is challenging to accept our reality.
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