Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2003. This week's blog pictures seem to highlight Mattie's numerous trips to farms. I still remember taking this picture, and what I loved about this photo and STILL do, is the connection this goat and Mattie seemed to have had with each other. Mattie's love for animals, nature, and being outdoors developed at an early age, and in so many ways animals teach us a lot about ourselves. Unlike humans, domesticated animals are very simple. They don't seem to have the emotional baggage we do and therefore If you care for them and love them, their loyalty and love are greatly reciprocated. Mattie seemed to understand this right from the beginning, which may be why Mattie's initial friends when he was a toddler were animals, NOT people.
Quote of the day: My grief lies all within, And these external manners of lament Are merely shadows to the unseen grief That swells with silence in the tortured soul. ~ William Shakespeare
Today was a busy day for Peter and I. We assisted Ann manage her weekend schedule with her children, while Bob was out of town. Having once been parents, I believe, this gives us the insights to know exactly what needs to be done in certain circumstances. When I help Ann, I try to remember all the things I would have wanted help with when balancing a family. They are NOT glamour tasks, but tasks none the less that must get done for a household to run smoothly. Such as laundry, trash removal, cooking, and cleaning. These are not things Ann expects me to do when I am over helping but I suppose once a mom always a mom on that front.
This afternoon, I had the opportunity to spend some time with Ann's mom, Mary. Mary and I chatted for several hours and I assisted her with dinner. While we were talking she literally said to me, "I am going to miss you." She wanted me to know she considers me a special friend and she appreciates all the time and care I give to her. Naturally at first I was confused by what she was saying to me. Because my initial response was, "I am not going anywhere, so you don't have to miss me." But Mary's comment was more meaningful and complex than what was presented on the surface. She was trying to tell me that in a way when our time together on earth is done, she will miss our connection. She feels I am her ally, that I understand her feelings, and that she can trust me.
Needless to say I was deeply touched by Mary's comments and I value the fact that she can verbalize how she feels about our friendship. A friendship which she believes she has had with me for years. However, Mary and I only met each other in December of 2008, yet perhaps losing our sons to cancer is a connection that transcends time.
In the midst of helping children and Mary, Peter and I also worked on Foundation Walk materials. We have been very productive this week, and it is ironic that when Ann saw our Walk advertisement for this year, she was caught off guard by not seeing Mattie's face attached to the document. This year's walk theme is Faces of Hope. Mattie will always be my face of HOPE, however, I am well aware of the fact that most people in the non-cancer community wouldn't view a little boy who fought a heroic battle with osteosarcoma and then died as hopeful. To me, Mattie is the ultimate face of hope. Because even through intense pain, being disfigured and disabled from cancer, and left with a host of psychological ramifications from cancer, Mattie still smiled, he still returned to the hospital willingly, and he still loved his friends and life. If that doesn't symbolize HOPE I am not sure what does. There will be other ways though for us to honor Mattie at the Walk, and I remind myself that Mattie drives and compels us to host this public awareness event to help meet the psychological and emotional needs of children with cancer and their families.
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