Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2003. By this point Mattie was independently walking and as you can see was fascinated by our cat, Patches. In fact, what you can't see from this picture was the scene that took place right before Patches jumped up on our plant stand. Mattie had been chasing Patches around our home and Patches wanted relief. Which was why she jumped up on the plant stand to escape Mattie's reach. However, as Mattie grew taller, she learned that there really was no escaping his little hands. It took many, many months to teach Mattie how to treat Patches kindly. However, despite having her fur pulled, her tail pulled, and being chased, Patches NEVER scratched or took out her fear on Mattie. They eventually became good buddies. Though Patches is older now and a handful physically, I have a great deal of patience with her because she understood from the moment Mattie was born his level of importance in our home.
Quote of the day: To rejoice in another's prosperity is to give content to your lot; to mitigate another's grief is to alleviate or dispel your own. ~ Tryon Edwards
The first thing I do every morning, before I even get out of bed, is check my blackberry. When Mattie had cancer and we were fighting for his life quite intensely, my blackberry became my link to the outside world. I learned during those 15 months never to go anywhere without it. I even slept with it near me. It was my version of a security blanket, and unfortunately that is one of the bad habits I have yet to give up. Perhaps in time, I will see it as less a part of me, but for now, my blackberry and chocolate are items I need daily. It is not a pretty day when either is missing from my life.
I received an email from my friend Tina today. Some of you may recall that Tina opened up her house for many of my friends in July of 2010 for my birthday. Tina invited me to go out to lunch and to also visit a chocolate store, called Artfully Chocolate in Del Ray, VA. The notion of exploring a chocolate store sounded very appealing and I appreciated the opportunity to get out, to chat, and to connect over chocolate.
One of the many things we spoke about was the major clean up project Peter and I have been enduring over the past three weeks. Tina shares my sentimental nature of holding onto meaningful items and therefore she understood immediately how difficult such a project is, but then factor into the equation Mattie's death, and it makes this whole task excruciating. At one point this weekend as I was sitting on the floor, going through Mattie's items, I basically said to Peter that I would not wish this task on anyone. There is something VERY wrong about disposing of your child's things. It just is unnatural and defies understanding. If Mattie can die before me, then in essence all the things I valued and which gave my life order and meaning no longer make sense. There are days I imagine I will see Mattie walk through my bedroom door and greet me in the morning and then there are days when I wonder if I was ever a mom and really had Mattie in my life?
I enjoyed walking with Tina and exploring shops on the avenue. Despite it being February, it felt like spring. We stopped for chocolate, which seemed like a wonderful thing to do on Valentine's day. I brought chocolate home and I am enjoying it while typing tonight. I think my next stop really has to be to a chocolate factory. I always wanted to take Mattie to such a factory, but his strong distaste for chocolate made that impossible. Mattie did not even like the smell of chocolate! I can safely say that chocolate was by far the biggest differences between us!
I spent the rest of the day reorganizing things at home and my new goal is to go through each and every closet. Three years of neglect have wrecked havoc on our lives. In many ways, cleaning up was necessary, but I also think cleaning up is busy work, and there are days and weeks where I just need to be busy.
To all our readers, we hope you had a good Valentine's Day. Know how much we continue to appreciate your visits to our blog and your support.
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