Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2006. Mattie was out on our deck, playing in his frog sandbox. As you can see he took off the lid of the sandbox, and piled every toy he kept in the box into the lid and then jumped inside the lid to sit with all the toys. It seemed like quite a sight to me, so I took a picture of him!
Quote of the day: Grief is a tidal wave that over takes you, smashes down upon you with unimaginable force, sweeps you up into its darkness,where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces, only to be thrown out on an unknown beach, bruised, reshaped...Grief will make a new person out of you, if it doesn't kill you in the making. ~ Stephanie Ericsson
I couldn't agree more with this quote. Grief changes you. It would be impossible to go through a 15 month ordeal of watching Mattie battle with cancer and then die a horrific death and come out of this experience untouched. I understand the author's sentiments that at times it feels like grief could kill you. I suppose this feeling was heightened today or maybe just this weekend in general. If I hear or see one more Easter related advertisement or the talk of Easter egg hunts and baskets, I may lose it. It is interesting how a season of renewal and rebirth, doesn't feel that way to me at all. In fact, if someone did not tell me that Friday was Good Friday and tomorrow was Easter, I really wouldn't know. It is my hope that God understands my feelings. Actually I do believe God understands my feelings, and instead it is earthly beings who represent and espouse his teachings who would have me believe otherwise.
As I write tonight's blog, Peter is 9300 miles away, safely in Bangladesh. Though it is 9:30pm on Saturday in Washington, DC, it is 8:30am on Sunday in Bangladesh. Literally Peter got off the airplane, checked into his hotel, showered, and reported to work. No rest in between. Apparently his client meetings begin on Sunday, on Easter. At 11:30am, I received a surprise email from Peter. He was emailing me from the Doha Airport in Qatar. His flight from Washington, DC to Qatar was 12 hours long. At the Doha Airport, they offered free wifi services, and so we chatted back and forth with each other for at least an hour. He then signed off and boarded his next flight to Bangladesh, which was another 6 hours of flying time.
The first message I received today from Peter stated, "I am here. The flight was long, but I was dozing through several hours of it. It was weird flying as I took off at night, and then it got light out, and then we landed just as the sun was setting. Doha looks very sandy and very built up in the main city. The airport is right on the sea. One story for you, a few hours into the flight I opened the shade and looked out, and saw a light, a fixed light. I first thought it was the wing, but then I noticed after a few minutes it was getting a little higher. That's right, it was the moon. It stayed with me for hours and of course reminded me that I was not alone...."
I found Peter's message very touching, as Mattie Moon was following him and keeping him company along his journey. Tomorrow is Easter, and yet without Mattie integrated within our day, it seems like just another day. Today was one of those days, where I really did not want to get up and do anything. But thanks to Patches, my cat, staying in bed was not an option. Nonetheless, it was a very quiet day that served as a constant reminder of the magnitude of what we have lost. For those of you who read this blog and who have children, please remember how lucky you are. Nothing in life is a given, so when your children have their health, you actually have the greatest gift life has to offer.
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