Tonight's picture was taken sometime after Mattie's sixth birthday in April of 2008. Keep in mind this picture was taken only 3 months prior to Mattie being diagnosed with cancer. Mattie loved the whole cake and candle process, and typically what I would do after his party, was I would serve him left over cake and put candles on it and sing Happy Birthday all over again to him.
Quote of the day: Words are like nets - we hope they'll cover what we mean, but we know they can't possibly hold that much joy, or grief, or wonder. ~ Jodi Picoult
First and foremost, as today is Memorial Day, I certainly pause and reflect on Americans who have died fighting in all wars. These individuals gave their lives to uphold our freedoms and way of life. May we never forget these sacrifices and the families permanently affected by these losses.
This evening Peter and I said goodbye to Ellen, her family, as well as their friends who were visiting. Their friends are also parents at Mattie's school. I find at times that it is difficult to socialize with other parents. Most likely if you were to interact with me, you wouldn't visibly know how upsetting this can be for me. But I do absorb these feelings on an emotional level and it is quite difficult to come to terms with certain things. It is hard to fit in with other parents, because the likely form of conversation is about one's child or his/her school experience. In addition, I noticed that each of the children paired off with his or her parents, and yet there Peter and I were, and no one was running to us, calling out Mommy or Daddy, or playing with us. It is a sobering reality, which is why in many respects going on vacation is challenging for me. Which may explain why I rarely go on one.
I feel as if Peter and I saw four Mattie signs today. On the way to the beach, I was walking on the boardwalk and right in front of me was a pine cone. There weren't any other pine cones on the boardwalk. I seemed to be the only one who noticed it too. Naturally it made me pause and think of Mattie, and I bent down and picked up the pine cone. As other parents are escorting their live children to the beach, I am walking with a pine cone trying to reconnect to the spirit of mine. Later on when Peter and I were walking along the beach, we both spotted a beautiful yellow butterfly. There were NO other butterflies around, but this one, and it caught our attention immediately. But this was only our second out of FOUR nature sighting today. Peter spotted dolphins swimming and jumping by the shore line. They are wonderful sights to see, and I couldn't help but think if Mattie were with us, he would have simply loved this glorious gift.
At around 5pm, Peter and I went for a walk. From my recollection, 5pm is the time the bunnies come out and about in Ellen's community. Sure enough they did not disappoint today. We spotted five wonderful white tailed rabbits, and my one conclusion today was Mattie was sending me signs. He wanted me to know we are not alone and he is with us, it may not be so obvious, but if I look hard enough he will be there. When Mattie was a preschooler, we would take him to the Outer Banks of North Carolina each summer. We stayed in a community like Ellen's, which had bunnies which would come out at dusk. Mattie and I loved going for walks to have these special bunny sightings together. Which is why looking for bunnies at Ellen's is SO special to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment