Saturday, July 23, 2011Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007. This ride-on Thomas Train was located right near the Strasburg Railroad Museum. Typically when Mattie saw Thomas he was totally engaged and in this case he couldn't wait to have a turn to ride on this train. However, this little girl in the picture also wanted to ride the train desperately and what I loved was Mattie decided that they should ride on the train together. When your child learns to share and care about someone else's feelings, it is a memorable moment. It was that kind of moment for me.
Quote of the day: To rejoice in another's prosperity is to give content to your lot; to mitigate another's grief is to alleviate or dispel your own. ~ Tryon Edwards
I began my day in a funk. It isn't easy to know that just three years ago, Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. Peter and I started talking about this, and then we had to change the subject. The topic at times is too surreal and too raw to process. This morning, I received an email from my lifetime friend, Karen. I realize for many people in my life, they think that it is better NOT bringing up the subject and acknowledging this three year anniversary. I find this realization very upsetting. Not talking about Mattie or our grief is not natural to me regardless of how many days, weeks, months, or years pass us by. Mattie will always be a part of our lives and I am deeply saddened that others can't appreciate my feelings. Karen's message to me today was only two sentences long, but to me it said everything. It meant a great deal to me, because to me it said..... I haven't forgotten you today, I haven't forgotten what the day means to you, and though there are no words, I remember. Karen wrote, "I know what today is. I know there are no words so I won't try."
Peter and I had a friend over for dinner tonight. He brought me two of my favorite flowers... sunflowers and stargazer lilies. I recall when Mattie was battling cancer, someone from team Mattie sent me a bunch of sunflowers. From that gift, my love of sunflowers developed. From that very point in time, these flowers became my symbol of hope, and when I look at their flower face, it causes me to reflect on the sunny smile and bright face of my Mattie. The vase is sitting on a green and brown piece of pottery as you can see. If you know me, you know that I do NOT like the color green. However, when I was in Bethany Beach in June, I admired this handmade piece because of the beautiful sea turtle etched into it. So I bought it. Sea turtles remind me of Mattie and his adopted sea turtle, Roxana! 
Our friend also brought me this beautiful resin plaque of St. George. He bought it on his trip to Bulgaria in 1989. He wanted me to have this plaque because he said to him I am just like St. George. Or as he said, I am his St. George. St. George was known for his courage and his ability to do battle. St. George slayed a dragon, and I suppose my dragon is pediatric cancer. I am deeply honored to be compared to such a venerable saint.
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