Tuesday, September 13, 2011 -- Mattie died 105 weeks ago today.Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008 in our home. Mattie was given this hand crafted stuffed animal dog named "Dandy Dog Dakota" from our neighbors. Mattie loved Dandy Dog because he was as big as Mattie and on the bottom of the dog's right cowboy boot was a personal inscription that read, "to the bravest cowboy we know!" This was an inscription that describes Mattie SO well. Dandy Dog remains in Mattie's room and sits on one of the chairs in his room. Almost as if he is waiting for Mattie's arrival back home.
Childhood Cancer Fact of the Day: Each school day, 46 children are diagnosed with cancer (CureSearch).
I went with my mom today to one of her women's association luncheons. The luncheon was held at a local country club near their former house, or in other words near the house I lived in when I went to high school. Though we weren't members of this club, our closest neighbor was, and when Mattie and I were in town visiting my parents, she always invited us to a family night at the club. Mattie loved this club, because it is located by a lake. The lake is typically filled with ducks, animals that mesmerized Mattie. Mattie spent many hours running around on the putting greens and being by the lake. So returning to the club today was a sad feeling for me, a feeling I couldn't understand at first, because when I entered the main dining room, my eyes started tearing up. I hadn't been back to the club since Mattie died, yet I pictured his presence there.
At the luncheon, I was drinking iced tea, which was served to me in this glass. If you look closely, the glass says, "The Pessimist's Glass." No one else received such as glass. The other glasses had NO inscriptions on them. Seems to me this was some sort of sign. 
I met many wonderful women today at the luncheon and we even heard from a guest speaker, Lt. Colonel Fitch, from the Army. The Lt Colonel served in Iraq and Afghanistan and shared with us what life is like for people living in Afghanistan. Afghanistan has nothing that drives its economy other than the growing of poppy plants which produce opium. The terrain is desert like and basically inhospitable.Inhospitable for everything other than poppy plants! There is NO infrastructure such as roads, water, or power. Afghanistan is not considered a destination, it is more like a stopping and refueling point that connects the East to Europe. The way of life for the Afghans is harsh and complicated and without means to support their families, selling drugs to drug lords is their only means of livelihood. It was a fascinating sociological discussion, because what the American government provided (spending millions of dollars to do this) this Country was the creation of 80 schools for the children. Education is vital for any society, but throwing education at a problem isn't always a solution. It may be a short term bandaid, but the bigger question becomes what will these children do with an education, if there is no industry or means to make a living (other than through the cultivation of drugs)? Education can provide hope, but so much more needs to be done. Yet is this the job of our military to be stationed overseas and help create and set up schools? I am making the discussion much more simplistic than it actually was, but nonetheless, it made one think and I felt by the end of the talk I had a much better understanding of Afghanistan.
The absolute highlight of my day was meeting Diane. Diane is the secretary of this women's group, but why she won over my heart is because she is an avid blog reader. She reads the blog faithfully every night and has followed Mattie's battle with cancer and of course life as we know it now. Diane told me she never knew she could fall in love with someone she never met. Diane began reading our blog when Mattie was alive, and loved Mattie's sweet and angelic face. Diane let me know that she thinks I am one of the bravest people she knows. It is funny, Diane and I never met each other before, but it was as if we knew each other all our lives. Diane sent gifts to Mattie when he was alive, and some of his favorite items came from Diane.... toy pirates and a beautiful treasure chest. It was wonderful to meet in person the lovely lady who bestowed these gifts, gifts which brought Mattie much happiness.
Diane and I spoke about the blog, and I really felt honored to hear from someone in their own words as to why they read the blog. I knew why people read it when Mattie was alive. But now that the fight is over, what keeps people coming back? Diane feels the answer is me. She loves my pictures, my insights, my love for people and places, and I suspect wants to know what keeps me going after losing the greatest part of my life. I was meant to meet Diane today, and this encounter was very needed. She was simply therapeutic for me and I felt as if she truly appreciated me and what I am trying to do for the Foundation. If her sensitivity, empathy, and love weren't enough, she contributed to my addiction today with a wonderful one pound gift certificate to See's Chocolates. My favorite California candy store. In addition to talking about the blog, we also talked about some issues I don't discuss on the blog and I felt as if she not only understood my feelings, but also normalized them. So I went for lunch, but received an amazing gift of human connection. At the luncheon, the President of the Women's group asked me to stand and had everyone give me a round of applause. I was stunned by this and wasn't expecting it. In addition, I was asked to come forward and share a bit of my story and tell them about the Foundation. I wasn't planning on any of this. When I got up to the podium, all the ladies were talking to each other. However, as soon as I started talking, I could have heard a pin drop. I think childhood cancer has a way of doing this. After the entire event was over, several women came up to talk with me and hug me.
Later in the afternoon, my mom and I went shopping. On the way to the mall, we were stopped by a train. Mattie saw this train many times while visiting LA in the past, and I snapped this photo in his honor. I saw NO deer today, but I saw a different Mattie sign. An unexpected treat was running into a huge farmers market on the way to the mall. We stopped and bought fresh peaches, strawberries, tomatoes, and string beans. So needless to say we had amazingly fresh things at dinner tonight.I would like to end tonight's posting with two messages. The first message is from Mattie's oncologist and our friend, Kristen. Kristen wrote, "Today, September 13, marks the loss of another patient of mine. A little boy, who was my patient while I was at Hopkins. Similar to the two of you the parents have turned this tragedy into something which gives back. In this case, the mom is a photographer and goes into Children's hospitals and provides free professional photos of families and of the child. Similar to you, she holds on to the pictures of her son and is thankful today she spent so much time taking pictures of his life. She wants to provide the same for these families and has done so for six years now. I think it is amazing how you have chosen to give and how successfully you have accomplished giving back for pediatric cancer. It is not only a tribute to Mattie but a tribute to your own compassion, courage, and tenacity. Just a note, to say I am thinking of you this Tuesday, and every day."
The second message is from my friend and colleague, Nancy. Nancy wrote, "You give so much to others and the decision to give important statistics regarding childhood cancer is so valuable. The last two days have given me pause as the statistics are overwhelming regarding diagnosis and underwhelming as far as advances in treatment. For me, I was raised with the idea that our children are the future. I guess many politicians forget this concept until it strikes them personally. I remember that before Michael J. Fox and a Senator's wife were diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, little funding and attention was present for this debilitating disease. For some reason, the increase in diagnosis has grown at alarming rates too. I know that Peter and you along with the PR firm are trying very hard to turn the tides for this lack of funding. The recent note from one of the mothers now at Georgetown Hospital with her child was so beautiful and complimentary. So many appreciate what the Foundation and Peter and you , specifically, are doing towards righting this current situation. I guess it must be time for deers to roam the streets and roads. The fact that Peter and you are seeing so many in both locations does make one stop and reflect that there may be a 'higher power' that gives us symbols to connect with our loved ones who have died. Finally, seeing the pictures of Mattie with Charlotte have been very special. She is a cute little girl and has the heart of a much older soul. It is important for us to see all phases of Mattie's life and those where he is playing and being a little boy in spite of his treatment and disease are priceless. As this marks another Tuesday without Mattie, I wanted you to know that all of you are loved and thought about today and every day."
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