Sunday, October 28, 2012

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2007. Mattie went to his elementary school's Fall Festival and as you can see he came back with face paint (with the words, "Go Saints," written on his face, in support of the School's football team), and washable tattoos on his hands. Mattie had a great time at the Festival with his friends. It is ironic when you think about the fact that Mattie was only at the school for about a month and a half before the Festival occurred, and at the Festival he connected with his new found friends (Charlotte, Campbell, and Kazu). Though Mattie is no longer with us, the parents of these Fall Festival friends are still a part of our lives.


Quote of the day: Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. ~ Rainer Maria Rilke


In the November 2012 edition of Counseling Today, which is a professional publication I receive as a member of the American Counseling Association, an article within the magazine immediately caught my attention. The article is entitled, What becomes of the brokenhearted (by Stacy Notaras Murphy)? I have included some of the text from the article below, so you get the gist of what I was reading today..............

Many clients present to counseling because of trouble navigating the same human phenomenon: heartbreak. Under this label fall countless events such as a painful breakup, the death of a loved one or the failure to attain a major life goal. Counselors are in daily contact with clients struggling with some form of heartbreak, and many counselors initially focus on treating the symptoms, which might include sleeplessness, anxiety about the future and hopeless thoughts. But some in the field are conceptualizing this presenting problem as more complicated than major depression or adjustment disorder. Joanne Vogel defines heartbreak as "an intense, overwhelming, crushing grief or distress over the loss of something or someone." She notes this definition covers more than simply romantic relationships, including the death of loved ones; abandonment, abuse and/or neglect from caregivers or others; and major changes in life course, such as sustaining physical injury or moving and feeling uprooted. Vogel has likened heartbreak to posttraumatic stress, acute stress and even substance withdrawal. "For posttraumatic stress, the similarities stem from experiencing a traumatic event that overwhelms coping skills in which a person experiences threat of or actual injury. In treating clients struggling with heartbreak, I have noticed the reliving, avoidance and arousal associated with posttraumatic stress." She notes that heartbroken clients may have upsetting memories, flashbacks, re-experiencing, lack of interest in normal activities, inability to concentrate, irritability, angry outbursts or sleep disruption. John Ballew adds that care ought to be paid to the physical well-being of all clients experiencing heartbreak, including helping these clients to tune into the possible physical manifestations of the experience. "The intense distress is likely to be experienced in the body, especially if the distress goes on for a while. There is risk of hypertension, chest pain and other physical manifestations of grief. Trouble sleeping is very common, and that can precipitate other problems, from anxiety and depression to distraction at work."

As I read this article, I found that the author was actually describing my issues to a T. Though one isn't likely to find the diagnosis of "Heartbroken" in the DSM-IVTR (our mental health bible of codes and classifications), it does put a name to the very real feelings and symptoms I have. But it does it in a way that doesn't pathologize the issue. To say I have anxiety, PTSD, or grief are not exactly right on the money. But heartbroken sums it up perfectly, and as the article discussed being heartbroken can have very real mental health and physical consequences. I have bouts of anxiety and sleeplessness that have developed since Mattie's death. I had neither problem prior to Mattie developing cancer, and each one alone can be debilitating, but together they can at times feel like they are taking over my life. I remember helping many clients who had anxiety in the past, and yet as I was helping them I truly did not know how they felt. I had great empathy, but not personal insight. You can't just snap out of feeling anxious, it almost becomes a part of you like another appendage. After being thoroughly checked out this summer for heart and lung issues, I know that physically I do not have a problem. I find when I am very busy or traveling, I do not experience the anxiety as much. I have been trying to focus on triggers and ways to cope with these anxious feelings but I have found as November approaches, and I prepare for two lectures I have to give on childhood cancer and trauma, that preparing for these presentations can cause me to feel uneasy. Perhaps it is because I must reflect on what actually happened to Mattie and us to convey my messages succinctly and passionately.

Like so many on the East Coast, we spent part of the weekend getting ready for Hurricane Sandy. All of our plants and flower pots are secured and going to a grocery store in the DC area to prepare for a storm is always an experience. I would hate to see DC in a true crisis. I spent part of the day cooking all sorts of things, such as butternut squash-apple soup. One of the traditions I used to do with Mattie in the Fall was cut open a real pumpkin, clean it out, and use the meat of the pumpkin to make pumpkin-apple soup. Mattie got a kick out of the carving, cleaning, and cutting pumpkin process. Instead of cutting a pumpkin, which is a ton of work, I used a butternut squash instead in Mattie's honor. I typically do not share recipes on the blog, but I found the one below and made it tonight. Mattie would have loved it. Hope you do too!

Curried Butternut-Apple Soup

Ingredients:

2 cups chopped onion

1 rib celery

1/4 cup of margarine or butter

4 tsp curry powder

3 cups water (or chicken stock or vegetable broth)

2 medium butternut squash (about 2 1/2-3lbs) peeled, seeded, and cubed

3 medium apples, peeled, cored, and chopped

1 cup cider

Directions:

In a heavy kettle, combine onions, celery, margarine/butter, and curry powder. Cover and cook over low heat until vegetables are tender (10 to 15 minutes), stirring often.

Add the water (or stock or broth), cider, squash and apples and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer 20 to 30 minutes or until squash and apples are cooked thoroughly.

Strain liquid and set aside. Puree the squash-apple mixture with 1 cup of the strained liquid to reach desired consistency. Garnish with grated apple, yogurt, or low fat sour cream.