Thursday, November 1, 2012Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2008. At that point, Mattie had already undergone two months of chemotherapy and one limb salvaging surgery. With SO much more to go! Next to Mattie was his "Haunted Mansion" that he designed while at home. It was made out of tinker toys and cut outs he created with help. Notice the spider hanging from this structure. Over time, more and more was added to this, such as lights and other creatures. Cancer left Mattie very sedentary, which was a hardship for a very active imagination. Yet, Mattie compensated by creating! During his battle with cancer, Mattie was most prolific using all sorts of media (clay, chalk, Legos, cardboard boxes, paint, tape, paper, etc....). As I look at this photo I also notice all the items around Mattie. With Mattie's cancer battle things began to pile up all around our home. In fact, after Mattie died, our home looked more unlivable than livable. It took me years to dig out from this accumulation, an accumulation that had great emotional ties.
Quote of the day: There is no greater loan than a sympathetic ear. ~ Frank Tyger
The power of a sympathetic ear, as tonight's quote points out, is indeed a powerful gift. I began my day by going to my zumba class. The majority of the women in the class are moms and naturally a mom thing to do the day after Halloween is to share stories and photos their children with one another. If Mattie were alive, I most likely would have been right in the mix. However while this chatting was going on, I was talking with my friend Heidi who wanted to know how yesterday was for me. Some times I am more vulnerable than others, and this morning I began to tear up over the situation. Not over the question. I appreciated the question and the concern, and also the fact that Heidi recognized that holidays are challenging for us. I have learned the hard way when helping someone who is grieving, that there really are no magic words or actions that will take away the hurt or the pain. With that said I must say that it helps when someone makes you feel valued and cares enough about you to ask how you are and actually wants to hear the real response. To me a sympathetic ear is a priceless gift to receive. After all it costs time and one's energy, both of which are not replaceable.
After class, Heidi and I teamed up and began driving to different houses around town to pick up Halloween candy for the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation drive. People have been responding to a listserv message Heidi posted and I am more than happy to collect the candy from all over. There are so many wonderful groups helping us collect candy this year, too many to even keep track of, but I will try as candy comes in to us. At the moment I know there is a brownie troop, a girl scout troop, a temple community in Maryland, a church and school in DC, a mom's group in Northern Virginia, and many of our devoted friends and members of the Team Mattie community.
It is funny, I rarely go on Facebook, however tonight Peter showed me a Facebook posting about our candy drive. One person responded to the drive with a great deal of questions and concerns because she thought we were giving the candy to childhood cancer patients. The intention of our candy drive is that we collect treats for the families who are stuck within the hospital caring for their children. I assure you while caring for a sick child the last thing you want to eat is nutritious food. It just won't go down and you need the energy from sugary products to help you through some very difficult moments. The candy and chocolates people contribute toward our drive are true treats for these families and these items are not only appreciated but families anxiously await for the arrival of the snack cart on the hospital floor to receive them. Many of these families can't leave the floor for such snacks while caring for their children, so the fact that these treats come to these individuals and are offered for free makes families feel cared about. The snack cart meets the psychosocial needs of families at the most basic of levels.
Later in the day I had the opportunity to meet my friend Alison. Alison was an instrumental leader of Team Mattie, and during that 14 month battle we met often to talk about Mattie and a whole host of emotional thoughts and feelings I had regarding Mattie's treatment and then pending death. Such conversations do not typically occur between friends, and yet we had them, and on occasion still have them. Mattie's cancer and death are surreal for me, and for those intimately involved in caring for us, I am sure on some level this is surreal for them. One of the things Alison shared with me today and that she wanted me to know was that Mattie's memory lives on within many of his friends. I am not sure why I have a hard time accepting that, but I do. There are many things I admit to having a hard time seeing which is why I appreciate it when trusted friends share their insights with me. Today was a day I saw first hand the beauty of being surrounded by sympathetic ears.
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