Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Tuesday, December 11, 2012 -- Mattie died 170 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2007. Mattie spent Christmas that year in Deerfield Beach, Florida. Though my parents lived in California, we all met up in Florida that year. Mattie loved Deerfield Beach. It was very family oriented and Mattie loved digging and creating. As you can see from this photo, Mattie had dug a substantial hole to set the stage for a Mattie/Peter sand design. Their sand designs were so impressive that other kids on the beach would always come over and ask whether they could play with us and help with the process.


Quote of the day: Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star. I wish upon tonight to see you smile, if only for a while to know you're there. A breath away's not far to where you are. ~ Josh Groban


I went back to the same doctor I saw last week. There is one thing I can say about the medical profession.... when pressed for an explanation that involves thinking outside the box, the solutions are not always forthcoming. It can be a very frustrating situation when you are in pain and there isn't always a tangible explanation for the symptoms that are presenting themselves. Since I have experienced this time and time again with my bladder condition, I am very aware of the medical attitudes I sometimes need to confront. Nonetheless sometimes you just do not have the energy to argue. Yet who is going to advocate better for how you feel than you? By the time this doctor's office finished with me, I was in more pain than when I entered the office. As I sit and write this posting tonight I am wondering why I am so exhausted. However, upon reflection between balancing pain and the medical profession for the last two weeks, I am not at all surprised that I am tired.

When I got home today, I received a lovely card in the mail from my friend Denise. It is funny how a card can brighten my day! Almost a lost art, the art of handwriting and expressing one's self! I did not know Hallmark created such a greeting card, but on the front of the card it reads.... "There's no timetable for grief." I couldn't have said it better myself. It wasn't necessarily a holiday card per se, but since it was sent around the holiday season, the intention was to let me know that Denise's family was thinking of us. People do wish Peter and I a Merry Christmas all the time, and we absorb that wish, but sometimes I wish people could step back from their lives and understand what ours truly looks like. I have a feeling if they did, wishing us a Merry Christmas wouldn't be on the tip of their tongues. Which is why Denise's card brought a smile to my face. Because in essence the gift she gave me was that of understanding. Three years may have ticked by, but for us, Mattie's loss is very real and hasn't faded in time. To me it is always a beautiful gift when I feel that someone really tries to get this and understand!