Thursday, December 13, 2012

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2007, during our trip to Deerfield Beach, FL. For the past couple of nights I have tried to show you Mattie on the beach, but I think this photo captures how Mattie was in one with the sand. Mattie loved to build, create, and design. Mattie not only built in the sand, but once he was done, he then used things he found along the shoreline (shells, pieces of sea glass, seaweed, etc...) to decorate the creations.


Quote of the day: We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world--the company of those who have known suffering. ~ Helen Keller


The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation is hosting a psychosocial think tank in February of 2013, in Huntington Beach, CA. We are providing stipends to 10 leaders in the psycho-oncology field to attend and to help us brainstorm and begin creating a psychological standard of care for childhood cancer patients and their families. Today I had an email exchange with one of these professionals. I actually met her once before, since she served on our professional panel during our childhood cancer psychosocial symposium on Capitol Hill in March of 2012.

What I love about this particular clinician, is she is aware of my role in the Foundation, but first and foremost she knows I am a mom of an only child who died from cancer. I did not have to say a word in the email, she is the one who actually brought it up. She wanted me to know that she imagines the holidays are very hard for Peter and I, and this is probably not a happy time of year for us. The whole email exchange was very sensitive. It wasn't wordy, but it got to the heart of the matter. It was a special feeling to know that someone immediately got it, someone I do not know well at all.

This afternoon, I went shopping. At Christmas time and around Mattie's birthday, we always decorate Mattie's memorial tree at his school. While others may be shopping for gifts for their children, I am going shopping for ornaments that go on a tree. A tree which represents the only physical symbol left of Mattie. I do not know about you, but something seems very wrong with this picture. I went to Target to find ornaments, not thinking about how congested the store's parking lot would be around lunch time. It was a nightmare of grand proportion, yet I suppose it was the tone in which I was shopping, that all the chaos around me was literally tuned out.

Peter shopped in Target with Mattie at Christmas time. They usually would bring home lights or animated creatures to add to their outdoor display. Today as I was shopping up and down the aisles of the store, I imagined the excitement Mattie must have felt as he was picking out holiday things. When I got home, I strung silver and red cord through each of the ornaments. Most of the ornaments are sparkling snowflakes, but I also picked a special one just for Mattie. I took a photo of it, it is an ornament in the shape of Tow Mater, from the movie, Cars. Mattie LOVED Cars, and as soon as I saw Mater, I knew that if Mattie were with me, he would have wanted this on his tree.