A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki



March 4, 2013

Monday, March 4, 2013

Monday, March 4, 2013

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. The clinic at the hospital gave us special tickets to the Barnum and Bailey Circus. Private box seats!!! This was Mattie's first and last visit to the circus. We bought him all sorts of things while at the Verizon Center for him to remember his special outing, such as red glasses, a light up sword and this other toy that spun around and glowed in many different colors. It was a night to remember and when I see these toys in Mattie's room now, it instantly transports me back to this night!




Quote of the day: Death ends a life, not a relationship. ~  Mitch Albom


I have been trying to determine exactly why I feel so exhausted and unable to truly function and then it hit me. I am developing a migraine. I am so used to daily headaches, that I try to tune out my head pain. But today was too over the top to ignore.
 
I received an article from a friend today. I included the link below to the article in case others haven't read it. The article was written by a woman who lost a child a decade ago. Yet as she so poignantly points out, the pain remains. Time has not helped her to "move on." Platitudes do not help and as I was reading her words, I felt like they were my own! As she says, her loss is with her each and every day, every minute of the day! I couldn't have stated it better and keep in mind that she is further along the grief journey than I am.  I have said it before on the blog, that my issues are not just VICKI issues, they are the issues faced by parents who are grieving the death of a child.

This mom goes on to explain how her friend's cards on her deceased child's birthday and on special occasions like on mother's day are so appreciated. I totally get that! It is vital to acknowledge these milestone moments and when they are not, we almost feel as if our child didn't exist or that his/her existence doesn't matter to others. The child maybe physically gone, but his/her presence remains very much alive in the mind and hearts of the child's parents! I am signing off for tonight, but appreciated reading this mom's words and seeing I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings.

The Death of a Child: A Parent's Worst Nightmare
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-death-of-a-child-a-parents-worst-nightmare/2012/12/21/734cb23c-4956-11e2-ad54-580638ede391_story.html
Posted by The Brown Family (DC) at 8:15 PM

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