Friday, March 8, 2013Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. Peter and I took Mattie for a walk to the National Mall. We wanted him to get fresh air and to see the Cherry Blossoms. Despite the fact that Mattie was unable to walk, he did keep to his tradition. Along all our walks, he always collected a stick! Thanks to Mattie at one time we had quite a stick collection in our commons garden space.
Quote of the day: Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong.' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' ~ Charles M. Schulz
I had a long day which started with my monthly licensure board meeting. After this five hour meeting, I sometimes don't know if I am coming or going. Especially after interfacing with the public who comes in with questions as well as processing ethical complaints!
Later in the day I went to visit my friend Mary who lives in an assisted living facility. I am sure the day may come when she no longer recognizes me or remembers our interactions with one another. This will certainly be a sad day for me. Mary and I have not known each other a long time. We met each other in 2008, but we immediately related to each other because our sons both had cancer and then died. Such a death has a way of bonding people together because it is a rare and unnatural death. While visiting Mary, I planted an amaryllis for her. I did this for her in January, and she loved watching this plant grow and unfurl in front of her. So this is now a second bulb I planted and Mary just loves watching the process. Seeing greenery to me symbolizes life and when living in an institution, such sights are VERY needed!
Over dinner, Peter and I shared our day with one another. I could tell Peter was somewhat energized and wanted to talk. I attributed this to the fact that he got together today for coffee with a fellow dad who lost his only child to cancer. When you meet and talk with someone who gets you, it is really a very freeing and special connection. I was so happy Peter and this other dad relate to one another and as they both discussed it is rare to meet another parent who also lost an only child to cancer. In a way we are in a very rare club, and mind you we were already in an unique club to begin with since our children were diagnosed with cancer, and then died. The complexities of having an only child die of cancer are so numerous and yet this subtly is hard to discuss with others. Which is why finding and relating to someone who is walking in your shoes is a gift in an of itself.
Sometimes Peter talks with me about how difficult weekends are for him. These were times he and Mattie would do things together. Without Mattie it is hard for Peter to re-define his weekends. Weekends don't seem much different to me than every other day. But when I heard this other dad saying practically the same thing as Peter about weekends it made me pause. They share commonalities with each other that I can't always relate to, and that is because they are both dads. When Peter has these moments where he connects with someone emotionally about Mattie's loss, I take notice. I take notice because Peter, like me, needs a safe and supportive outlet. These outlets are hard to find for women, but they are practically impossible for men to find. Therefore when they present themselves, I take notice!
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