Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2002. I love this photo because to me Mattie appeared to be very serious and quite focused on something in his periphery. The funny part about Mattie was he had a sense of humor right from day one! When he was less than three months old, I called Peter at work in a panic as well as the pediatrician. Mattie was making this funny wheezing sound. From my perspective it appeared that he was having trouble breathing. The doctor tried to coach me over the phone and said that if the problem worsened or didn't stop within the half an hour, I should take Mattie to the emergency room. By that point Peter came home, and as we continued to observe Mattie we deduced that he wasn't wheezing at all. Instead from Mattie's perspective something he had been observing (probably me getting hysterical) was very FUNNY to him and therefore the sound he was making was a laugh! A day I will never forget, but it illustrated to me that I had a live wire on my hands.
Quote of the day: If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody. ~ Chinese Proverb
I had a marathon licensure board meeting today. Fortunately we only meet once a month. I have served on this board for over a decade, and as chair of the board most people do not talk to me about Mattie or my loss. I have come to accept this which is why today surprised me greatly. After our meeting was over, several board members came up to me to give me a hug and to let me know that they will be thinking of me on Sunday. Frankly this show of concern, compassion, and sensitivity caught me off guard because it was completely unexpected. Nonetheless, I felt very happy that people were verbalizing my reality and the fact that yes Sunday is Mother's Day and I flounder to know how to manage the day. Someone else this evening asked Peter if he was taking me out on Mother's Day. Peter's response was quite accurate. I do not like going out on Mother's Day because I do not like seeing mothers surrounded by their children. I also do not like strangers wishing me a happy mother's day. I am not sure why, but there you have it. It is occasions like this in which I feel very isolated from mainstream society and when I feel like this, I simple retreat.
I have heard non-stop flower commercials on the radio this week. Apparently FTD did this ridiculous poll of moms and the majority of moms feel that flowers and candy DO NOT constitute a mother's day gift. Honestly!!!!!????? To me listening to this, this sounds incredibly ridiculous and selfish. Flowers and candy are gifts, these are not things that should be expected in addition to gifts! I would actually like to get a hold of FTD and let them know that the true gift for any mother is actually a healthy child. The gift doesn't come in a box, with a bow, or a vase!!!
1 comment:
Vicki,
What a fabulous basket, I WANT the Lego basket, never mind me niece and nephew! What an extravaganza of legos, I'm salivating looking at it. So cool. I also wanted to acknowledge how hard tomorrow will be - I've noticed over the last few years that strangers say Happy Mother's Day to ALL women - and it bothers me when someone says it to me, too, because it reminds me that I'm not. Losing Mattie is obviously harder than not being a mother in the first place, but I do wish people wouldn't say happy mother's day to me!
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