Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2003. Mattie was 15 months old and apparently Peter captured one of my many entertaining moments with Mattie. Needless to say the goofier I was the more intrigued Mattie became with me. Mealtimes were always an experience mainly because Mattie HATED being confined to his high chair, so it required high energy and a bag of tricks on my part to get Mattie to focus and eat.
Quote of the day: Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy. ~ Gretta Brooker Palmer
After a year of planning for the Foundation's Walk, tomorrow is practically here! In 2009, Mattie's care community planned a Walk for him. Mattie attended the Walk and was so happy to see hundreds of family and friends in attendance, united to show him their love, concern, and support. The Walk has a very emotional component for Peter and I, and in some ways it is hard for me to plan an event in which I know Mattie will not be enjoying and participating in. It is also hard to plan an event in which I see children all around me having fun and a good time. These are all bittersweet feelings. At public events like this it is easy for me to feel like others do not understand the true internal battle Peter and I live with daily, and yet such events are needed in order to promote the Foundation and connect with our community. Losing a child to cancer has forced me into a world in which it is hard to explain and in which at times I am sure people view me as the one with the problem. All quite possible, but the fact of the matter is after a full year of planning and working 16 to 20 hour days for the past two weeks, the Walk will be over in four hours and then what? Post-Walk maybe just as challenging emotionally as the Walk itself.
In any case, I am signing off for tonight. Peter and I spent today with my parents, Peter's parents, and my lifetime friend, Karen. All of whom came into town to support us and remember Mattie. Some Walk attendees have never met Mattie, and therefore maybe motivated to attend the Walk for different reasons. However for me, the Walk will always be about Mattie, my love for Mattie, and the pain that remains within our hearts and mind. Let's hope that the massive amounts of rain and thunder predicted for Sunday will dissipate. Mattie Miracle Walks have always brought out the sun in the past and to me this is one of the gifts Mattie gives me each May. It is my hope that Mattie is with me tomorrow on some level, and I will be looking for those glimmers of sunshine as his sign to me!
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