Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2008. Mattie was in the hospital and getting used to life in a wheelchair. After Mattie's second limb salvaging surgery in November he never walked again. This was a huge adjustment in and of itself, much less having to battle cancer. That day a friend came to visit and she gave Mattie Christmas stockings and a cute magnetic Santa. Mattie attached Santa to his wheelchair and decided to wear the Christmas stockings rather than hang them up!
Quote of the day: You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
While walking around the track we bumped into one of my parents friends who lives in the neighborhood. I have met this neighbor before on previous trips. Any case he greeted us and as a caveat I should say that he has a very upbeat, high energy, and positive personality. As he was talking about his mom who is ill he mentioned that "God answers all prayers." Hearing this saying or platitude almost elicits an automatic response. It is almost Pavlovian in a way for me. Maybe because I have heard it SO often when Mattie was battling cancer. Nonetheless, my response to this is, "No God doesn't answer all prayers. He may hear all prayers but they aren't always answered." He began to counter my statement and said that we are all God's creatures and therefore not all of us are guaranteed a long time on this earth, some of us get called back sooner like Mattie. I am not sure if this was supposed to make me feel any better, but on the contrary what it produced was more agitation. I accept that all of us deal with grief and loss differently, but when I feel people are pontificating to me or suggesting that I need to deal with my grief in the same way as they do/did, that is when I get very defensive.
I think religion and spirituality are personal issues for people on a good day and can be difficult topics to talk about. Now add into the mix a tragedy, loss, or misfortune, and a person can be all over the map about God. Because I have issues with God's decision to take Mattie, doesn't mean that I do not believe in God and that I am no longer Catholic. I have many people thinking this about me, which just isn't true. I think God is certainly powerful enough to understand my anger and my disbelief in Mattie's death and yet also know that coming to terms with all of this has to be on my time schedule. Not society's!
I have seen this small theater group perform many shows in the past, but I would have to say this one may have been one of their best. The six actor cast was fantastic and the story line was much more complex and deeper than your average Christmas story. It was a real tearjerker. In many ways the mom was sent back to earth as a ghost to help her family members resolve many of the interpersonal conflicts between them. At the core all the dysfunction is a result of miscommunication or perhaps LACK of communication as well as the issues associated with grief and loss. Each of the characters in the play were dealing with the death of the "mom" in different ways and it was interesting to hear this dialogue unfold. I think discussing grief is no easy feat and yet this story did it in a very meaningful and heartwarming manner. Needless to say, just like in "A Wonderful Life" a bell was wrung at the end of the play and we we are left happy knowing that this mom's mission on earth was accomplished and she was granted her wings.
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