Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2009. It is hard to believe that five month later, Mattie died. That day, we walked Mattie down to the Washington Mall, and in his wheelchair, we toured him around. He got to see and feed the ducks and just enjoy the sights and sounds of spring. This was a happy moment caught on camera. But as you saw a few nights ago, not all moments were happy. I did not post those moments on the blog for the most part. I am not sure who I was trying to protect back then? My readers? Maybe, or perhaps I wanted to give Mattie his space and dignity. But I would say Mattie's battle was heroic and hard, and the battle Peter and I endured while helping Mattie day to day was excruciatingly painful. We did not get to turn away, we had to see the tough, depressing, and the unbearable.
Quote of the day: Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~ Robert Brault
I had the wonderful opportunity to stop working today for a little bit and visit with my friend Mary Ann. Mary Ann and I became friends in graduate school and have known each other quite a while. Today was her birthday and given that we have known each other a long time, we have therefore shared many of life's ups and downs. Yet what I always marvel at with Mary Ann is despite whatever set backs she has received, she remains positive and finds some sort of ray of hope in the whole situation. Even when the sky seems to be filled with clouds. I think that is a real gift.
It was a glorious spring day in Washington, DC and Mary Ann and I actually had lunch outside. It almost seems hard to believe given the winter we had. We chatted about so many things. Talking is how our friendship emerged. We had classes together and in our classes we were required to dialogue, we were required to process things, and in one class in particular, we were required to discuss ethically sensitive material and debate it. Mary Ann and I in many ways took the lead on this in class, and through this became friends. We have been friends ever since.
Brault's quote means something to me. Because we live in such a BUSY world. In fact, when people tell me they are busy, I can feel my head spinning and stomach turning. We are all SO busy as a society that somehow we are too busy for the people in our lives, and yet if we don't enjoy the little things like connecting with friends then one day I have no doubt we will look back and see we missed the BIG things. Friendships and connections with people need to be cultivated. They just do not happen and remain forever. Taking them for granted is a mistake, because what you put into your relationships is what you typically will get out of them.
Though I am not a phone person, my phone rang tonight and it was my lifetime friend Karen from New York. She hasn't been feeling well either. Last night she had me worried, so tonight she called me to update me on her status. It is funny, I don't like her pains and condition and she doesn't like mine. So we commiserated, but the one thing I never have to explain to Karen is why I am feeling the way that I do. She just gets it, or accepts it. I find it beyond frustrating to have to explain why I might be sad, mad, angry, or insert the feeling over something as it relates to Mattie's death. I don't expect others to be mind readers for sure, but I think with some level of sensitivity it would seem rather obvious that at certain times of the year and under certain stressors, some things are bound to set me off.
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