Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2008, during Grandparents Day at Mattie's School. This was a big event at the lower school, in which the kids get dressed up, classrooms are opened up for the grandparents to see the children's work, a lovely brunch is served on the lawn, and there is even a choir concert featuring every grade. I know all of this because I was a parent volunteer that day. I did not want to miss out on anything when Mattie was growing up, I don't know if it was a sixth sense or what, but looking back, I am so happy I made that decision. Otherwise, I would be filled with a lot of regrets now. When I look at this photo, we all imagined that there would be many more grandparent's days to come. I never would have guessed that this would be our first and last or worse, that two months later Mattie would be diagnosed with cancer.
Quote of the day: Distance is not the thing that makes us suffer, it's missing someone that's always in your mind that really makes you suffer. ~ Anurag Prakash Ray
I think tonight's quote says it all! It is the constant longing that haunts a grieving parent day in and day out. It is the absence of someone so special that can cause you at times to feel like you are losing your mind or that things just don't make much sense in the world. What is a given unfortunately is that no one truly understands or walks this journey with us. A grieving parent in many ways walks this path alone. Which somehow only exacerbates how awful the pain of missing someone so special is in the first place.
It is now 12:30 in the morning and I can say I am so wiped out from Walk plans that I can't even string two sentences together. Which means therefore that I have to stop writing. My parents came into town today, Peter's come into town tomorrow, and my lifetime friend, Karen, arrives Saturday. This all signifies that the Walk is here whether I am ready for it or not!
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