Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007. We took Mattie to Lancaster, PA for the weekend. Outside of one of the restaurants was an authentic Amish wagon. Earlier that day, we took Mattie for a wagon ride through one of the farms, which was very interesting and we learned about the culture and life on the farm. I remember on that trip Mattie and I were introduced to the beauty of apple butter and other Amish recipes. We both fell in love with the butter! Mattie was a butter fanatic and he could eat it straight! A real dairy fellow!!!
Quote of the day: The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. ~ Chinese Proverb
Today I returned to one of my alma maters to teach a two hour class on trauma and childhood cancer. I have been away from the university classroom for years now, and coming back to it for me is always met with happiness and fear at the same time. If that makes any sense at all. Teaching seems like something I did eons ago, maybe a lifetime ago! Yet whether I am in the classroom or not, my work with Mattie Miracle involves education! But with that said, teaching for two hours involves a different skill set.
These past few weeks have been a whirlwind with the Foundation Walk, Peter sick, going away, traveling to Ohio, and then today. Some days I don't know which end is up. I just feel I can't get it all done, or I wish I could do more! I focused this week on pulling together today's presentation before heading to Ohio, and fortunately my efforts paid off. I believe today went quite smoothly.
I was very impressed with the students. This is one of the greatest things I miss about teaching! The students!!! I always learned a great deal from my students. Their insights, commentary, how they felt about topics, and they always stimulated my thinking which I found very engaging! I started off today's class by telling the students that at one time, I was just like them. I too was studying to be a mental health professional and thought my life was going down one pathway and was going to look a certain way! But life presented me with a different challenge. Childhood cancer to be specific. I explained that Mattie developed cancer and died and once that happened the life that I once led did not quite mean the same to me and therefore I couldn't return to it. However, with that said, I still use the skills I learned and developed at the University. This was one of my messages that I wanted to deliver today. Life presents you all sorts of unexpected things and in some cases traumas. But the skills you obtain never leave you. They are a part of you. You can use these skills in a multitude of ways throughout your life. It just so happens that I am using my mental health skills now in my Foundation work to try to help countless numbers of children and families with cancer. I felt that was an important point to make.
Though I wanted to share childhood cancer facts, discuss what medical trauma is and its symptoms, discuss a medical trauma model and interventions, I first began by sharing Mattie's story and discussing some Foundation information. I shared with the students the four minute video of Mattie that is attached to this blog. I debated back and forth as to whether I show this video to the class. But in the end, I decided to show the video. I decided to show the video for the following reasons: 1) it illustrates that Mattie was a real child and therefore makes the topic we were talking about real and not theoretic, 2) I wanted to illustrate that childhood cancer is a family disease and seeing photos of Mattie with me, Peter, and other family members and friends got that point across, and 3) I also wanted to impress upon the class that Mattie's illness also impacted his medical caregivers. Several of whom were featured in the video. After Mattie died, many of Mattie's care team needed emotional support. I personally do not feel this crossed any professional boundaries. It on the other hand points to just how challenging it is to work with childhood cancer patients and their families and when working with life and death issues it is impossible not to have human attachments and emotions.
I have shown this video to MANY MANY classes! Today's class was the first that I can remember to truly have a very emotional reaction. Several were crying. Which of course is exactly the point and what I was after! So this told me a lot about this class immediately!
Later today, I received the most beautiful email from my friend Mary Ann (we went to graduate school together)! She wanted me to know she was thinking of me. She knew I was lecturing on trauma, returning to the University, and just wanted to send a friendly email just because! The best kind of email and message! Which made a huge difference in my outlook and output!
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