Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2006. To me this photo is a riot. We were walking on one of the nature trails with Mattie and we came across a tree that had fallen down. I suggested that Mattie sit on top of it while I take a picture! Mattie complied but this was what I referred to as a "Mattie false smile." He put up with my request, but he wasn't happy about it at all.
Quote of the day: Our ignorance can be divided into problems and mysteries. When we face a problem, we may not know its solution, but we have insight, increasing knowledge, and an inkling of what we are looking for. When we face a mystery, however, we can only stare in wonder and bewilderment, not knowing what an explanation would even look like. ~ Noam Chomsky
It seems like Peter just got back from one business trip, now he went on to another one. Today he is back in Columbus, Ohio! Our joke is.... we went from never visiting Columbus, to now visiting it three times in ONE YEAR! While he is working, I am trying to develop my own mindset for working at home and a plan for completing the tasks that I need to accomplish this summer. However, in the midst of this I do try to schedule meetings with friends during the week for lunch to force me out of our home. It helps to break up the day.
Today I met with my friend Catherine. Mattie and Catherine's daughter went to preschool together. Catherine, like me is an only child, and I can count on maybe one hand the number of only children friends I have had in my life! I feel we are a unique breed and we have our own way of emoting and understanding each other. Catherine and I always got along when Mattie was in preschool and during the summers when preschool would take a break, and the summers seemed super long, we would meet up and get our children together, and we would socialize. We reflected on these moments today. Not that I forgot those days, because I didn't, but when Catherine mentioned them to me, I remembered that feeling of gratitude. I was grateful because I lived in the District of Columbia and we did not have kids Mattie's age around us to play with, nor did we have access to a pool at the time. Catherine solved both problems for me. She brought us to her pool almost daily and the kids had a great time.
In some ways it is hard for me to socialize with people I knew when Mattie was alive. Mostly because the commonalities are no longer there. But some relationships have transcended time. Why is that? Well it differs per relationship, but the cornerstone of many of these relationships is the ability to discuss feelings, to emote, and being open to discussing issues. Real life conversations interest me greatly and the second thing is time. Friendships require an investment of time and attention, which is difficult in our complex world. It is also painful when we have expectations and needs from those in our life and these needs aren't met. We then question the state of our friendships, our connections to others, and from that this may make us pause before entering into any other close friendship. I realize not everyone I meet will have survived childhood cancer, but I do try to take the experiences I have lived through, gain insights from them, and use them in my daily life to give me insights into every interaction.
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