Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2007. There was a lot going on in this photo in many ways. As you can see Mattie's kiddie pool was taking up a good portion of our deck space. There were bathing suits hanging up behind us drying in the air, we were outside on the deck having lunch, and despite the heat of the summer, everyone knew that we had to appreciate as much outdoor time as possible. After all we were cooped up most of the winter. But notice who else was outside with us? Patches! Patches was never far behind. Always in the mix, and usually perched on the sandbox! How do I know this photo was taken in July? I know because of the glasses on the table! These two goblets only came out around the time of our anniversary. These glasses belonged to my paternal grandmother, who shared the same wedding date as myself. So when Mattie was alive, every July 15, these glasses would come out as a family tradition to acknowledge our anniversary and that of my grandparents!
Quote of the day:
"There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil, a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome."
"And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody.""And yours," he replied with a smile, "is willfully to misunderstand them.”
~ Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
I have a few things to say about last night's blog posting regarding Eleanor Roosevelt's quote, yet before I venture down that road, I wanted to say something about this quote from Jane Austen's book, Pride and Prejudice. Something about this quote just resonated with me as it relates to grief. Especially with regard to "willfully misunderstanding others." I am not sure I would go as far as to say willfully, but I would certainly say that after a traumatic loss the world is SO different from how it was once experienced that it seems like everyone around me no longer makes sense. Therefore I am constantly misunderstanding them! I am misunderstanding their intentions at times and at the same time I know others are totally not getting my behavior and thinking. In either case my feelings get hurt and once that happens it is like a self fulfilling prophesy of more misunderstandings leading to more hurt feelings and so forth. This is not a "natural defect," as Austen calls it, that I had prior to Mattie's cancer battle, but it is definitely one that I struggle with now after Mattie's death.
The blog is an outlet that I have turned to for almost six year now. I write each night and as such I try to freely express my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. For the most part I try to do this without hurting other people's feelings and lashing out at others. However, I can assure you over the course of Mattie's battle and throughout my grief journey there have been plenty of times where it would have been VERY easy for me to use this platform as a way of calling a spade a spade. But for the most part, I always try to present my thoughts and feelings in a very professional and dignified manner. Yet there have been times people have taken issue with what I have written and on occasion, I have received emails regarding what I have wrote. In several instances, I actually had to go back to the blog and CHANGE what I wrote or have had to retract my statements. It is in times like these when I can get frustrated and disillusioned because in a way this is censoring what I am trying to express and say. Nonetheless, whether the feedback I receive is positive or negative, I ALWAYS answer it and try to address it in some way.
It is necessary for me to address last night's blog posting because the quote I posted was inaccurate. So I am correcting the inaccuracy that seems to be pervasive throughout the Internet (which is where I got the quote). In a way I feel much better knowing that Eleanor Roosevelt never potentially said such a quote to begin with!
Today I received an email asking me to reconsider the Eleanor Roosevelt quote I posted last night. Specifically that I took it out of context and that she never meant it to belittle the mental health profession. This was certainly my interpretation of the quote, so before I answered the email, I decided to investigate the quote further and this is what I found..................................
Truth
should matter. The quote existed before FDR ever became president and most
people ever heard of Eleanor Roosevelt. I’m a contributor to the Yale Book
of Quotations, the Oxford English Dictionary, the Historical Dictionary of
American Slang, the Dictionary of American Regional English, and others. I make
no money at all, but I offer my work for free. ~ Barry Popik (March 16, 2011)
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds
discuss events; small minds discuss people” is a popular saying, first cited in
this form in 1931. The saying has been attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt
(1884-1962), but it’s uncertain if she ever said it. The saying has also been
attributed to Admiral Hyman G. Rickover (1900-1986), but he admitted in a 1959
magazine article that the saying wasn't his.
The earliest version appears to be from Printers’ Ink
of 1927:
He
now reports that, “the best minds discuss ideas; the second ranking talks about
things; while the third and lowest mentality — starved for ideas — gossips
about people.”
As I noted in last night's blog, it would make perfect sense to me if the quote stated that small minds gossip, rather than small minds "discuss people!." I am happy to see that this was what the original quote actually looked like.
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Peter and I went for a walk on Roosevelt Island today. The Island was incredibly green and beautiful!
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There were dogs and people all around us on the Island, and yet it was still peaceful! Ironically, across the harbor we could hear people watching the World Cup, with cheers, screams, hoots, and hollering.
Birds were out and about, singing and flying overhead. Typically we can't get a parking spot at Roosevelt Island on the weekends, but we got lucky today! As it gets hotter, people tend to avoid the Island in the middle of the afternoon.
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Lilies were in bloom on the Island!
Later on today, we ventured to Home Depot. I had a plant to buy and Peter had to get something else. So we split up in the store. As I was in the garden section one of the employees came up to offer his assistance. He could see that I wasn't finding what I was looking for. Any case, we got to talking and I learned that he works an 80 hour week because he is lonely. He has no wife, girlfriend, or family. When Peter came over, all three of us continued the conversation. Needless to say, our chat led to a 10% discount. But that isn't the reason for telling the story. My reason for telling the story is two fold. One it speaks to the importance of connecting with people. I always find it fascinating to learn about someone else's life, their struggles and insights, and we also learned about some different plant varieties today. Second, it also speaks to how lonely people are in our very busy and high tech society. I do not know how people connect and develop a meaningful relationship in the era of on line dating and five second conversations. I came away from this interaction feeling very sorry for this fellow because I do not like to see anyone truly alone. I do not think humans are programmed to be alone, nor do they handle it well. We all need someone. Friends count of course, some sort of social outlet, of which he has none. My joke with him was that I was going to send my friends to Home Depot to visit him! He thought that was funny!
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