Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. That particular day we took Mattie to both Home Depot and Lowe's. We wanted to take a Christmas Photo of Mattie for the front of our holiday card! We dressed him up in his red sweater, planted him in a shopping cart and we were looking for the perfect backdrop for our photo! Now you may be asking why on earth did we take him to such stores to take a picture?! Well Mattie loved these stores and these were about the only stores in which he did not mind sitting still in a shopping cart for a SHORT period of time. I figured these stores would have Christmas decorations and it would be there we could capture some sort of scene for our holiday card! I knew it wouldn't happen at home and forget going to visit Santa! Mattie HATED the MALL!!!!! This wasn't the final photo we used for our card that year, I will show you the final photo later in the month on the blog, but this was one of many we captured that day! As you can see Mattie was in awe of the lights and all the displays at the store!!!
Quote of the day: The highest court is in the end one’s own conscience and conviction—that goes for you and for Einstein and every other physicist—and before any science there is first of all belief. ~ Max Planck
We live in a society in which grief and loss issues are rarely discussed and if they happen to be then the hope is that the dialogue remains on the surface and that the issues can be dealt with and managed. It is hard enough to see an adult face grief and loss, but how do you help a child cope with the death of a loved one? Well depending upon one's philosophical stance on this.... the answer differs. The answer could range from doing nothing because children are resilient and really do not understand the concept of death and dying to the exact opposite which would be helping children process and cope with the loss in a developmentally appropriate manner.
On occasion, I reflect on Mattie's close friends that he had in preschool and kindergarten and I wonder about their lives now. I of course remember Mattie's friends very well, but it is quite possible they do not remember me in the same way! Research shows that true solid memories aren't crystallized in children up until age 10. Children can remember things, but their earliest memories tend to change over time, being replaced with “newer” earliest memories until around age 10. As this happens, memories occurring in the preschool years tend to be lost. For example, I remember asking Mattie when he was in kindergarten about things that occurred in his life the year before when he was in preschool, and in many cases he couldn't recall what I was talking about. Not even specifics about his teachers. I knew this was the product of a developing brain, a brain which needed me to serve as the institutional knowledge!
Yet for Mattie's close friends, despite the fact that they lost him at the YOUNG and tender age of 6, this has affected them. This trauma has remained somewhere within their memory, and it could be at a very unconscious level. But to me the "spark" that I saw in these children has changed. I don't want to say it has gone out, but that it isn't the same. Mattie brought out the best in some of his friends and I know when any of us are are with someone who we relate to, this makes us feel good about ourselves and in essence changes our outlook and opinion on just about everything.
As Mattie's mom, it saddens me to know that his friends have been affected by his loss. Of course this doesn't surprise me, as I know I have been forever changed by it, and I do believe children are quite perceptive and sensitive to their environments. Part of me wonders what would have happened to these children if they never met Mattie? Would their lives have been very different today? I certainly do not know the answer to this, nor can I speculate. I think what happens however is when you are in my shoes, you feel a sense of guilt.... as if you started a train wreck that had a domino effect. But then of course logically I know that I did not bring about Mattie's cancer or his death, and most certainly had no idea this was going to impact the lives of those he was going to come in contact with.
Mattie was an extraordinary little boy and he touched our lives, even for a short period of time. I know for me he has been one of my greatest teachers and it is my hope that in time through Mattie's special and unique signs in nature he figures out a way to signal to his friends that he is still connected to them.
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