Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2009. We took Mattie to New York City for a second time. This time was to begin an experimental immunotherapy treatment at Memorial Sloan Kettering for metastatic osteosarcoma. In all reality we were quite anxious and scared because we did not know what was in store for us with the experimental treatment.... specifically how Mattie's body was going to react to the drug. So before Mattie's first infusion we took him on a special ferry boat ride! Someone on the ferry observed us and offered to take our photo! I am so happy now to have this picture. The kindness of a stranger.
Quote of the day: To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Today was our first full day back at home. Peter and I are adjusting to being back on solid ground. I still feel like I am a cork in the ocean and am bobbing up and down. Given that I do not do well with motion in general, even back on land, I continue to take Dramamine. Any one who has ever come off of a cruise, and has issues with motion, knows exactly what I am talking about..... you just need Dramamine for days after you are home.
We accomplished a lot today from a chore stand point and of course it was an adjustment to see gray skies. Though thankfully it was unseasonably warm in DC. Yesterday was not only a long travel day but the airport was filled with families. Parents traveling with small children! They seemed to be everywhere. We got to the airport early and waited there for hours until our plane boarded. I had to absorb many sights that passed me by during that time. Sights that were impossible to ignore. Moms with their children!
There was one mom in particular who was pushing a stroller with a toddler boy in tow. At one point the toddler turned around to look up at her, and she smiled at him and it was the expression on both of their faces that captured me! It caught my attention because it reminded me of a split second of an exchange between Mattie and me. That was all I needed to see, I went from composed to crying in seconds. With big tears coming down my face. I was unable to speak to tell Peter what I was feeling. I was simply overwhelmed by what I had seen and once again the notion of my reality set in. It doesn't matter that I have lived with my reality for five years now, somehow the loss of a child is not something one ever truly wraps their head around and fully accepts. That feeling remained with me the entire day and onto the flight, and then to add insult to injury on our flight home, we sat next to a mom with two SCREAMING children. I never saw two children who literally screamed their way home, for TWO HOURS straight. So much so that the flight attendants offered to help! That was a new one for me. I know my fellow passengers wanted to lose it and probably thought terribly of this mom and these children! It would have been easy to do. I tried to have some compassion for both the mom and the children. I think these children needed access to things like toys and books to keep them stimulated but from my observation these children were throwing more than just a tantrum. They really did not like being confined to tight spaces nor being strapped down into a seat. I saw aspects of this with Mattie with his sensory issues, but of course I couldn't verbalize these observations to these children's mom. We did not know each other from Adam but nonetheless, I was concerned for her children because as we were landing her children were literally crawling in the aisle because they wouldn't sit in her lap or in their seats! Needless to say ALL OF US around this family were besides ourselves between the screaming and the behaviors we saw throughout the flight.
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