Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2009. Mattie was home between hospital admissions and as you can see he had transformed a packing box we received in the mail. He took it, cut it, and shaped it into his version of a bicycle helmet. Mattie put tape on it and then popped it on top of his head. Sometimes Mattie just made me sit back and laugh. I never knew what he was going to do, but the possibilities were endless. As I look at this photo, I also can't help but see Mattie's broviac tubes sitting in his lap. These tubes were connected to a central vein in Mattie's chest and this was how all his medications, including his chemotherapy was infused into his body. It was a daunting notion to think that these tubes were just dangling there, and if you pulled on them by accident, Mattie could literally hemorrhage out and die.
Quote of the day: The connections between and among women are the most feared, the most problematic, and the most potentially transforming force on the planet. ~ Adrienne Rich
Today seemed absolutely frigid. With the wind chill it was 18 degrees! Naturally it was the perfect day to go to the dentist. Typically I walk to my dentist, but given the weather conditions and that the sidewalks were icy, I wasn't walking over a mile. I decided to take the metro instead. But my luck, the metro had some sort of 30 minute back up on the tracks. I literally got in a metro car and waited in the car with the doors open for over 10 minutes. I finally couldn't take it any more because I did not want to miss my appointment and I left the station. I walked back outside and hailed a taxi!
The last time I visited my dentist office, I learned that my long time dentist was dying from bone cancer. I am not sure what my odds are, but for me they are high. First Mattie, then Patches, and now my dentist! I am three for three. During my last visit they assigned me a new dentist. He isn't new to the practice, but he is new to me. He is actually a partner in the practice, but needless to say he and I did not hit it off. I tried to be open minded about him today thinking that perhaps my mind was just clouded by the news that I lost my long-term dentist during the first visit. However, after my cleaning today, my hygienist announced to me that she had just found out that the dentist left for the day to go to his own doctor's appointment and therefore couldn't see me. She felt that my appointment went fine and that I really did not need to be seen by a dentist. Well that was it, I was royally ticked off! Besides the fact that I am paying to see a dentist, the behavior of this new dentist confirmed my initial read of his behavior. At which point, I let my hygienist have it. I told her that I did not care for how the office let me know that my long-term dentist had cancer and would not be working with me anymore. That this was done in a cold and impersonal manner. In addition, I wanted to know how I was assigned this other dentist because I did not care for his personality or demeanor. In fact, I told her, we might have to go through every dentist in the practice until I find one I am comfortable working with. That the decision on who I work with is mine, NOT their practice's!
Normally I advocate for others this way, and not necessarily am I so aggressive for myself. But when the dentist did not show up for my appointment today, I had it. Nor did I like being told I did not have to see a dentist. That is the whole reason I go to the office in the first place!
Switching gears, Rich's quote caught my attention tonight. I have had the opportunity over the years to listen to women both professionally and personally and I can attest that their relationships between one another can be at times respected, feared, envied, and hated by other women. These connections can also be life altering and transformative, which is why women are intrigued and inspired to hear about solid and lasting female connections. They want to aspire to achieve such bonds, to feel a part of this greater force. If you doubt what I am saying, that is fine. I suggest you pay close attention to themes in books, movies, and the dynamics at parties and in conversations. Once you do, you will see the underlying theme. I interacted with someone today who shared with me her concern, and of course as a fellow woman it is easy to relate to her pain because once you have experienced such a loss of a special female bond, that pain remains within you.
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