Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2007. Mattie was five years old and had just started kindergarten. That year, Mattie knew exactly what he wanted to be..... an Air Force pilot. When we went costume shopping together, the only pilot costume I could find was actually a navy pilot one. But thanks to my friend, Charlie, who was a lieutenant colonel in the Air Force, I was able to get some wonderful Air Force patches to sew onto Mattie's costume. Mattie loved having these unique patches and he truly enjoyed the whole Halloween experience that year. His school had a wonderful Halloween parade, and I recall thinking that year that Mattie would have many more Halloween parades to come.
Quote of the day: Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up. ~ Veronica Roth
Where do I begin regarding today!? It is a long story which includes YET ANOTHER hospital experience under my belt. On Wednesday of this week, I decided to make an appointment with my internist/family practitioner because I have been experiencing breast pain for a week. When the pain started, I figured it was muscular or hormone related. However, as time kept marching on and the pain wasn't getting better, a red flag went off that I needed to be proactive.
This morning, I had a 9:30am appointment in my doctor's office. But the office was an absolute ZOO! I never saw it this way.... with patients standing everywhere because there weren't enough seats. I literally waited 40 minutes to be called back, and another 30 minutes in the office until I was finally seen. Thankfully the office took my concerns seriously, especially when I told them that Mattie died from osteosarcoma, and a fellow osteo mom told me that there is a correlation between sons getting osteo and their moms developing breast cancer. My doctor can't find any data to substantiate that claim, but no one is taking any chances. So I had NO FIGHTING to do in my doctor's office. The only thing I did ask, is that on the script for my mammogram and sonogram... that it be marked STAT. Meaning that the radiology department needed to do it today. I am SO HAPPY I had that put in writing, otherwise, I am sure I would have been sent home today without a testing time.
With the scan script in hand, I walked over to the hospital radiology department. Thankfully in my case, my doctor's office is connected to Virginia Hospital Center. The radiology department ASSURED me there would be NO WAY I would get these procedures done today. In my mind I thought.... YOU WANT TO BET?! But they said I should wait for the scheduler to schedule the testing! So I waited, and I waited. Try over an hour! I have to admit, when I sense there is a medical problem, I now become hyperalert and also extremely anxious. Not to the point that I can't function! I will never look outwardly phased, but internally, the anxiety shows up with a fixation on getting testing done and results. From Mattie's experience I no longer go to any of my medical appointments (in which I have symptoms and pain) expecting the ordinary. On the contrary, I am always prepared for the worse news and always fear cancer. I am not sure how many other people live their lives like this, but I suspect those of us who lost a child to cancer, the percentage is HIGH!
After an hour wait in the radiology department, I finally went back to the receptionist and said that either someone was going to process me, or I was taking my script back. She told me I was next to be processed, so I continued waiting. When I finally interacted with the scheduling person, she wanted me to get the mammogram and sonogram done on November 9th! With that I laughed and I said what would a person do if they were dying. Would you still make them wait until November 9th?! I also said that if she did not help me, I was going right to the ER. She responded back to me that my issue wasn't an emergency and that my doctor did not include on the script that the testing had to be done STAT. With that I jumped out of my chair and helped her read the script which clearly stated that the testing had to be done today! She couldn't refute that. Next thing I knew, she contacted the breast center manager and got me in! Of course that meant another 30 minutes of being proceeded through hospital paperwork in order to move along to the breast center.
Once I got to the breast center, I had my first counter with a tech who did my imaging. The imagining went quickly and I took that as a good sign. She then took me back to the interior waiting room and she told me the radiologist would look at my scans and determine if anything else was needed. I honestly interpreted all of this as.... I was done, and she would tell me I was free to go home within minutes. That is NOT what happened. Instead another technician came to get me and asked me to proceed into a room for a sonogram, conducted by a radiologist. This radiologist showed me two cysts, which he knew were benign, and one questionable cyst. It was questionable because it wasn't round or oval, but instead an odd shape, it looked globular, it was cloudy inside and he did not like its borders. So he said I would need an aspiration and possibly a biopsy. I naturally wanted it done today, and they accommodated me. They told me to wait an hour and then come back to the breast center. By that point I was shaking like a leaf in fear and the hospital air conditioning made things much worse.
After the hour wait, I went back to the breast center and was introduced to Kerry! A technician. I will never forget her, because she was very kind, patient, and compassionate. She stayed with me for two hours of testing and a biopsy. She explained everything that was happening to me, and the radiologist performing the biopsy seemed skilled. The radiologist did not want to do an aspiration, but wanted to move straight into a biopsy because she felt that the image was questionable.
So after 7 hours of being in the hospital today, I have successfully completed two sets of mammograms, a sonogram, and a guided image biopsy. Within the guided image biopsy they inserted a titanium marker at the site. This marker will remain in me for future mammograms, so people can see that the site has been biopsied. Or if I need surgery, the marker will guide that process. Now comes waiting for results. Since the tissue needs to be cultured and analyzed. They tell me they may know something on Monday. All I know is it feels very reminiscent of July 2008, in which Mattie presented with pain, and after simple testing our world changed dramatically.
But at this point I have NO CONFIDENCE AT ALL in mammograms. I do my 3-D mammogram religiously every year. My last one as in June. In June I had NOTHING showing up at all. Now four months later, I have two cysts and something questionable. It seems to me mammograms NEED TO GO, and women should be getting sonograms. Yet who am I? The breast cancer gurus promote breast health (self exams -- another thing that makes me laugh, because even today after an exam the doctor FELT NOTHING!) and mammogram screenings. I am case in point that mammograms do not catch everything. If I did not have pain for a week, I would never have known I had something within me that needed to be biopsied.
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