Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. I know exactly what was happening here..... Mattie was getting an infusion of Doxorubicin. How do I know? I can see the horrible red IV bag hanging on Mattie's machine. Each of Mattie's chemos had a different color. Mattie may have looked like he was very comfortable during the infusion. Which he may have been, but that comfortable feeling never lasted long. We helped him manage nausea, mouth and throat sores, inability to eat, constant runs to the bathroom (since he was given IVs to flush his system) and a host of mood issues (agitation, anxiety, depression, and inability to sleep). I have forgotten NONE of this!
Quote of the day: There's nothing as exciting as a comeback ' seeing someone with dreams, watching them fail, and then getting a second chance. ~ Rachel Griffiths
Before the procedure took place, I asked my doctor for a low dosage of valium. The beauty of valium is it works quickly, but it also doesn't have a long lasting effect. I was fully aware of everything going on, but it definitely helped with my medical anxiety, so that the procedure could actually go more effectively and I experienced less pain than my second cystoscopy.
I learned the trick of asking for anxiety meds from Mattie's sedation nurse, Debbi. Debbi's philosophy is that it "is better living through chemistry." When I had to have a lesion removed from my breast a few years ago, Debbi was with me and encouraged me to demand valium during the placement of a metal guide wire through the breast. It was a brilliant decision. So now I know exactly what to advocate for.
Once valium was on board, my doctor's nurse cleaned the external region and applied a local anesthetic inserted into the urethra. Then I waited for ten minutes for it to take effect before the doctor came in and began by inserting
a solution of saline from an IV bag into your bladder via the cystoscope. Apparently, the solution expands the bladder, allowing the doctor to get a more detailed view.
The procedure involves two different scopes, a flexible one like this and a rigid one with a high quality camera.
So that is the good news... I do not have bladder cancer. Therefore my main issue causing blood in my urine is kidney stones. I honestly was so thrilled by this news I hugged my urologist. She did not know what hit her, because typically I am giving her feedback and a piece of my mind. While I was hugging her, she told her nurse that I lost Mattie to cancer and therefore the threat of cancer is overwhelming. Once the nurse heard this, she got the full picture of why I needed valium and why I acted like I won the lottery with the pronouncement of being cancer free.
Because I took valium, the office would not let me leave without a family or friend escort. Since Peter has important meetings all week, I asked two friends if one of them could pick me up. It turns out they both came. Literally they were camped out in the office and they brought chocolate! Before I left the procedure room, I texted both of them to let them know the good news, so they wouldn't be worried about me or in what state I would be greeting them. Once I saw my friends they gave me hugs and we literally went out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't expecting this, but it was wonderful that they understood the magnitude of today!
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