Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2003. Mattie was 11 months old and in one of his favorite gadgets... Tot Wheels. In other words a walker. Walkers were controversial during the time Mattie was a toddler, nonetheless (as they were viewed as unsafe and slowed down the ability to walk), it was a big hit in our home. It gave Mattie freedom and independence to zoom around the house and outside. Given Mattie was a late walker, he gravitated to this device. It brought him happiness, therefore, you know it was a hit with me.
Quote of the day: The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. ~ Ernest Hemingway
We got to Insight today around 10am for my dad's intake. What is very clear is that everyone who works there is very nice, friendly, and passionate about helping others. I have no doubt about this, but I am on the fence about the benefit of the program for my dad. I think ultimately what the program will accomplish is respite from managing his hour by hour needs.
We had a group meeting with the head of nursing and the social services coordinator. My dad was involved in this meeting and they asked him basic questions. Some of which he was able to answer, and some he totally was off the mark, such as.... are you allergic to anything? He said no! He is allergic to several things and also is not tolerant to dairy.
After they interviewed him and they could CLEARLY see what I see... that my dad has moderate stage dementia, they escorted him to an activity room for about 90 minutes, while we continued the intake. My mom and I spoke extensively with the social worker, the program director, and then the nurse. These women understand some of the challenges I have been facing and one told me she could tell that I am exhausted. Which I am! However, what she doesn't understand is I am balancing two parents, not just the needs of one.
In any case the social worker tried to express how I must be feeling about this whole situation. Though I understood what she was saying, she wasn't really capturing what I was feeling. So I told her! I feel frustrated, angry, and upset that here I am a person with a Ph.D. and a mental health license and I can't figure out how to meet the cognitive needs of my dad. I admit that I am a person who likes to be very independent and in control. When I lose control of something that is very agitating to me. She tried to respond in an empathetic way and said I was making a good decision by bringing my dad to Insight.
After our portion of the intake, they brought my dad back to us. Before he came back in, I asked the Program Director what he had been doing. She explained that he was part of the music program, got a snack, and took part in "facts about April" discussion. So when my dad came back into the conference room with us, we asked him what he did. Do you know he couldn't tell us ONE thing he did. It wasn't anxiety or an emotional response. Instead it is the significance of his memory impairment. Which is why I also have concerns about him participating in something I am not a part of. I won't be able to be institutional memory and therefore can't stimulate conversation with him on something I know NOTHING about!
Now I can't escape and walk because I am running the show. That said, I can feel the anxiety coming on and the feeling that I am trapped and can't escape. So far I am able to cope with those feeling, but each afternoon, I do try to get outside with Sunny regardless of the weather. I feel fortunate to have wonderful nature trails so close to our home. I love it, but so does Sunny.
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