Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009. Mattie was home between hospital treatments and playing in our living room. Our living room was filled to the brim with toys, gifts, and hospital equipment. Honestly at the time it made no difference as long as Mattie was stable, with no pain, and engaged. That feeling of living in the true present will never be forgotten. Nothing really mattered, other than what was going on at that particular moment in time. It is hard to describe, but all I can say is it is a real phenomenon when living with a day to day crisis.
Quote of the day: A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything. ~ Irish proverb
I did not sleep well last night. In fact I was up from 2-4am. I was startled awake by a thunder and lightning storm. I knew that Sunny would be besides himself. So I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs. I tried putting Sunny in our pantry closet, then the powder room, and finally the basement. Nothing worked. He was anxious, pacing, and panting. So despite my best efforts, he landed up walking up our stairs and spent the rest of the night in my shower. The reason I don't want Sunny upstairs is because he will not walk down the stairs himself. He can get up but NOT down. Someone has to carry him. Someone being Peter! Sunny is 60 pounds and I can't manage him on my own.
This morning felt like it was a three ring circus. Peter was packing and leaving for a trip to California, our cleaning women were here, I was balancing my dad, and my two friends were coming for a visit. They were coming so I could go for a walk and my mom could have dialogue with someone other than me! It was a very thoughtful and positive visit. But I must admit because I never know how things will go with my parents, I get stressed out. In the midst of all of this, I also introduced my neighbor to Blanca, as my neighbor is looking for a new cleaning service.
I met Blanca in 2008, when Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. At that time she was cleaning my neighbor's home. My neighbor understood all we were balancing with Mattie and he could see that we were rarely home. So he paid for Blanca to come and clean our townhouse. Prior to this, I always cleaned our home myself. But I could see I couldn't do it all, and I was grateful for the help. I came to appreciate Blanca so much, that now 14 years later, she still works with us!
Meanwhile, I am still struggling trying to figure out how to best manage Sunny's chemotherapy and its side effects. I have let go of the notion that Sunny needs to eat two big meals a day. Instead, I now feed him when he can tolerate food and looks hungry. This can be little meals throughout the day. I am following his lead and I am hoping that we can find the right cocktail of meds so that the side effects are at a minimum. Sunny goes for scans next Thursday and we will have some understanding at that point the impact of the chemo.
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