Tonight's picture was taken on July 23, 2008, hard to believe this was 14 years ago today. Today is a day I will never forget, as it was the day our lives changed forever. It was on this day that Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. It may have been July, but Mattie requested Christmas lights outside, and we made it happen that day! It is ironic how a request that we would not have been granted under ordinary times, became immediately accomplished under extraordinary life altering circumstances.
Quote of the day: The person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The person who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever seen before. ~ Albert Einstein
I think it is possible to appreciate the gathering and yet be miserable at the same time. Not because of the people, but because of my life's circumstances. On top of which is I am extremely tired and trying to pull it together so I could leave my parents for several hours was challenging. I put in a full day before ever getting to the restaurant today.
I am pictured with Jane and Ann here. Both women I met through Mattie's preschool and we have been friends since 2005.
Sitting next to me is Peggy.
The ladies by the Potomac River.
Standing from left to right: Jane, Carolyn, Catherine, Mary and Junko
Sitting from left to right: Peggy, me, Debbie, and Ann
I have to say that it would be easy to have a mental breakdown from all I am balancing. Sometimes group settings set me off. Not because of the people in the group per se, but more because of the internal dialogue going through my head. A dialogue that reminds me that I am different, that I live a life quite apart from others, and therefore this dialogue as a result separates me from those that I am close to. I am aware of this in myself, and yet at the same time can't seem to prevent the wicked cycle from happening. But in all honesty, for now, I will just have to accept these feelings as they are and move on. Otherwise, I will beat myself up and feel guilty and I can't handle or process one more thing right now.
At lunch, I had a side bar conversation with my friend Junko. This is a very natural person for me to chat with, because Junko would come to the hospital when Mattie was in treatment and she and I would talk, have lunch together (as she spoiled me with all sorts of tasty lunches that she brought with her), and she would even massage my neck. All our nurses knew Junko because they were touched by her kindness toward me. So while others while chatting today, Junko and I were crying. Sometimes it helps to know that people around me understand my daily stress on such a deep level.
Our wonderful server, Cheryl, text messaged me a photo of my three having dinner, while I was out with my friends. She and I exchanged photos today. I shared my luncheon photo and she shared a photo of my family. Cheryl's son is a childhood cancer survivor and she has been taking care of my family since my parent's moved here. I am very fond of her and in a way has become a friend. We text message each other photos and stay in touch throughout the week.
No comments:
Post a Comment