Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2004. Mattie was two and a half years old and by that time, it was his second year attending fall festivals. That year he ventured down the big hay slides. He was cautious about it, but agreed to try it sitting on Peter's lap. Mattie was much more adventuresome than me, because at his age I most definitely wouldn't have done this. Fortunately Peter was a good role model for Mattie and never pushed Mattie. Yet Mattie was willing to try things with Peter's support and in the process they both had many fun adventures together.
Quote of the day: We do not ‘get over’ a death. We learn to carry the grief and integrate the loss in our lives. In our hearts, we carry those who have died. We grieve and we love. We remember. ~ Nathalie Himmelrich
Peter snapped this photo of us in front of a VERY large pumpkin.
We were having a very pleasant meal and trying to unwind. Peter snapped a photo of us! But of course I am not allowed a minute of peace. That minute came to a screeching halt.
I took my dad to the bathroom at the restaurant, as I do on each visit. While in the bathroom, I noticed one other woman with us. Shortly after she left the restroom, a hostess walked in. She came over to me and told me that I was making guests uncomfortable by having my dad in the women's room. That we had to leave and she escorted us out. In addition, she said in the future, I would need to alert the front desk first before taking my dad to the bathroom. I was LIVID. So livid that I got all the restaurant managers involved and I came home last night and wrote a formal letter of complaint. You can read it below. My life is complicated enough and I honestly feel I can never get a break. Yesterday stressed me out so much that I couldn't sleep all night. It is a feeling of being utterly trapped wherever I am.
After doing all my extensive morning chores, Peter and I took Sunny for a walk. While in the woods, I heard a big woodpecker. Can you can see the tuft of red on his head?
Walking in the woods! Now that the weather is getting colder, my parents are less interested in going out. Other than to eat of course. This gives me more time to plan my day, which I hope will include more walks like this in the future!
My letter to the restaurant is below -- I removed the name of the restaurant for the purposes of the blog.
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I appreciate the opportunity to formally write and share my unpleasant and inappropriate experience today at your restaurant. As you know, my family has been coming to your restaurant since your sister restaurant closed in May of 2022. We are very fond of Dawn and you, and this special connection is what motivates us to make the journey from Oakton, VA each week to Rockville, MD.
In December of 2021, I moved my parents from Los Angeles to my home in Oakton, VA. I am their full-time caregiver. My dad has considerable physical and cognitive disabilities and unfortunately, he is unable to do most activities independently. I am always hesitant to take my parents out to eat, given the extensive amount of support they need. Which is why I have chosen to take them ONLY to your restaurants. This has been a very deliberate decision because of the outstanding and personal service we receive, the high-quality food, and the accessibility of your restaurants.
While at your restaurant today, my dad needed to use the restroom. Like in all my previous visits to your restaurant, I took my dad with me to the women’s room. Since I am his caregiver and he needs assistance with toileting, I have elected to take him to the women’s room because I would not feel comfortable going into the men’s room with him. Your restaurant does not have a family restroom, so I have had to make the best possible choice for my family. I have taken my dad to the women’s room since May of 2022 without any issue.
I noticed one other woman with us in the restroom today. Shortly after she left, your hostess, Shannon, entered the restroom and came over to talk with me as I was helping my dad wash his hands. She proceeded to tell me that I was making other restaurant guests uncomfortable by having my dad in the restroom and therefore moving forward if he needed to use the restroom, I would have to alert the front desk first before proceeding into the women’s room. Honestly, I was stunned that she was having this conversation with me in the middle of the restroom and then proceeded to escort us out. I told her in today’s day in age, I was surprised we were having such a conversation, but overall, I felt like I was being reprimanded and treated like a child.
I immediately came back to our table and told Dawn about my experience with Shannon. I told Dawn that I wanted to speak with you, and I appreciate you coming over, listening to my experience with Shannon, and pro-actively addressing the problem, as well as comping our meal. I am very impressed with your leadership style, and I want you to know that your efforts do not go unnoticed. You clearly value your customers, take the time to get to know us, and you are committed to making our dining experience an excellent one.
That said, I am very concerned with how your restaurant plans to address this issue moving forward and I want to hear directly from your corporate office. Family caregivers are the unsung heroes in our country, and we face daily challenges caring for our loved ones. I would hope that your restaurant values people with disabilities and their caregivers and would stand up for our rights to have access to restrooms without repercussions. My understanding is that Shannon is a hostess, not a manager. Therefore, if the restaurant wants to discuss an issue with me, I expect to be talking to a manager not a hostess. However, it is clear that Shannon pushes the boundaries of her role and I find her behavior disrespectful as a customer and it appears she has little regard for the chain of command at your restaurant.
We dine at your restaurant group weekly, and today’s experience left me wondering whether we can continue to return to your restaurant. After interacting with Shannon, I felt as if she was telling me that your restaurant does not welcome people with disabilities and their caregivers. Or perhaps people with disabilities and their caregivers can dine here, but just not use the restrooms. I am quite certain that how she approached me, her tone, and her way of thinking would not comply or be tolerated within the American with Disabilities Act (ADA).
I take my role as a caregiver seriously and I feel it is vital to write to you to prevent this from happening to any other family caregiver in the future. At the very least, there needs to be a corporate policy about access to restrooms for caregivers of people with disabilities and this needs to be applied throughout the restaurant group. I would like a response from your restaurant's corporate office regarding my letter and specifically would like to hear about your policies in place to support people with disabilities and their caregivers as well as how these policies will be enforced.
Thank you for your leadership, professionalism, and concern for me and my family. We appreciate your time and efforts regarding this matter.
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